Tonight it dawned on me.. I just might actually be materialistic. Honestly.. This comes a quite a shock. People have called me materialistic before. I just dismissed them as people with suspect taste OR jealous.  In the past I fancied myself as "quality conscious" but after the incident which happened a few hours ago topped with some self reflection and evaluation.. It has become abundantly clear.. I am very materialistic.

 Earlier today I decided I need new sunglasses.. Purchasing sunglasses holds about the same reverence as buying a swimsuit. If you don't pick the right one it is all kinds of wrong and bad. Nothing is worse (well there are many things which are worse but I digress) than someone wearing unflattering sunglasses. They can make or break an outfit. The wrong sunglasses can transform a thin person into a bug faced gaunt Rachel Zoe. On the flip side a person wearing glasses which are too small for their face can look like a Magilla Gorilla. Anyway.. Back to the story..

I was shopping for sunglasses and the darling sales girl was showing me all sorts of frames which flatter the shape of my face.. I have a "heart shaped" face. Isn't that cute? She is handing me pair after pair and I am dismissing them for one reason or another till I find a pair I actually liked. I was in the midst of telling her that I liked this particular pair when I looked on the arm of the sunglasses and saw "Ralph Lauren". There is absolutely nothing wrong with Ralph Lauren products by the way. I just want to say that as a preamble. I quickly removed the offensive glasses and said "No no no darling not these.. My last pair were Fendi. I can't downgrade to Ralph Lauren". I know right? How snobby am I? The sales girl took it all in stride and quickly handed me Prada glasses. After a few more tries I skipped out of the store with brand new Tiffany sunglasses which I absolutely love. However, this incident gave me pause for thought...  Perhaps I am a bit materialistic...

Basically no matter who makes sunglasses if they are #1 flattering to your face and #2 have the right UV ray blocking lenses the important requirements are met. Who cares what company produces the glasses? Right? WRONG! I do but only when it comes to me. My best friends don't purchase high end sunglasses as they claim they lose them to easily so they aren't worth the investment. My case is a bit different. I buy a great pair of sunglasses and wear them for YEARS.  The retired Fendi glasses have been in my possession since 2006 so to me they were a great investment. $300 sunglasses I have used for 4 years which balances out to about $6.25 a month to wear. In my humble opinion I have gotten my money's worth out of them. (sidebar- I can justify ANYTHING) I doubt if I purchased some less expensive glasses they would have held up for 4 years and looked as fabulous as the day I purchased them. HENCE why before today I always attributed my taste to being quality conscious.

Now I am not so sure. I might be BRAND SNOBBISH. Example.. I won't shop at Old Navy because I think the clothes are shoddily made, the stitching is poor, and the material is scratchy like Hobo newspaper. In contrast I shop at Banana Republic which is basically the SAME COMPANY. Old Navy to Gap to Banana Republic. Same company. Different price points.

Example.. I COULD drive a Toyota but instead I have a Lexus.. Which is.... A Toyota.

Example.. Instead of wearing a Anne Klein watch as an every day watch.. I wear a diamond Raymond Weil watch.

Example.. Wet & Wild nail polish .99 a bottle vs OPI which is $8 a bottle.

Example.. Dasani bottled water $1.29 or the Fiji water I prefer which is $2.59 a bottle. 

Example.. MAC lip gloss $12 a tube instead I wear Chanel lip gloss which is $30 a tube.
A look which is elegant and effortless as this to the naked eye seems like an inexpensive outfit. 
However, it takes a lot of money to look this chic.

The examples of how I upgrade are endless. I am picky about the sheets I sleep on, the food I eat, basically everything is upgraded.. And.. I'm worth it. I doubt I am going to change. Perhaps, only to upgrade even more.

 butterfly in my driveway
everyday beauty

I am missing my home like crazy. I miss the fresh air of the Tar Heel State. The smell of my house. I miss the view of the lake from my kitchen window and the view of the forest from my bedroom window. I miss the peacefulness of the Fortress of Solitude as Anne calls it. I miss walking along the trails of my neighborhood. The golfers out in all kinds of weather in their godawful outfits. I miss swinging in the playground a few feet from my garage and swimming in the pool. I want to go fishing in the lake, spending hours and catching nothing. I miss my friends who make me happier than a child with two lollipops. I want to take the canoe named the Lil Ev after my Mommy out on the tranquil waters making ripples each time I dip my oar into the lake. I miss the sound of my Mother's laughter and her sporadic cooking since she claimed she "retired" from making meals for me.The smell of freshly cut grass.  I miss the undeniable beauty of the Carolinas which in contrast make my exile in outpost Texas even more aesthetically UNpleasing. The leaves are turning from green to vibrant gold, red, purple, and orange. I feel like I am missing out on all things which make my home wonderful. In contrast I bear witness to everything drab, vulgar, and ugly. I am more thankful for my home than ever. I know it will be waiting for me whenever I want to experience it again.
the view from my kitchen window

It is no secret I am addicted to to reality TV. I don't know if it is the psych in me who loves to analyze things (I fully know this crap is scripted) or just a voyeuristic urge to peek into the lives of extremely lackadaisical overly primped, plucked, plastic surgeried  and painted women.  I spend hours upon hours on twitter pointing and laughing about the pure fuckery these bitches allow to be filmed each week. Annnnd it all started with a little show on Bravo called The Real Housewives of OC. 
  These women had NO idea what they started. Five women living the life in Coto de Caza, Orange County letting a camera crew film their lives then cleverly edit and splice story lines together to make them look even more foolish and desperate than they could accomplish on their own. We have the bitchy villain Vikki Gunvalson, the sexy young gold digger with a heart Jo De La Rosa, the businesswoman turned super mom Kymberly Bryant, high end real estate agent with the out of control kids and the Playboy past Jeana Keough, and lastly the single mom with dreams of marrying up Lauri Waring. Who knew the lives of suburban women raising families would be more interesting. Little did we know these pampered princesses lived lives like the rest of us. Job losses, humongous debt due to living outside of their means, foreclosure, cheating spouses, sexless marriages, serious illness, terminal cancer,  work schedules so packed they barely parent their children... the list goes on and on.. 

I will say out of the flames of poverty Lauri rose like a gold digging Phoenix and managed to marry a millionaire. She accomplished the Pretty Woman dream.
From OC more cities were recruited to embarrass their citizens through the absurdness of the behavior of bored ass "housewives".

Much to my delight.. The Real Housewives moved to my favorite place in the world.. NEW YORK CITY! I loved everything! It filled my need for a NY fix since Sex in the City left me like a disgruntled lover in the middle of the night. Watching these women navigate the streets of Manhattan in black towncars and seeing the skyline of NYC almost made Texas tolerable for one hour a week. Then.. The CAT FIGHTS started. No woman can brawl like a chick from NYC. NO WOMAN! In Real Housewife fashion there were spats between the women over basically nothing.. A slight here a jab there. Out of no where powie! Nude photos of Alex McCord from the past surfaced, after seeing them I wish they had stayed buried. Bethenny Frankel ran off a sorta fiancee and he eventually lost his job. She eventually snagged a husband, baby, and her own spin off show. Jill Zarin started off as the warmhearted momma of the bunch then before our eyes turned into a mean girl clicky bitch. Countess uh can we call her Countess now? Um.. LuAnne de Lesseps husband the Count dumped her for some African princess and she was catapulted out of her posh Manhattan townhouse into her just as cushy home in exile in the Hamptons. Then horror of horrors.. She started singing. Money may not be able to buy you class but it can provide voice lessons. Ramona Singer with the crazy eyes and always saying the wrong thing at the right time provided hours of entertainment.

My very favorite moment of all time from the NY cast was when Kelly Bensimon went nuts in the Caribbean.. EPIC! With pictures like this it is HARD to believe she was/is a model.
Then wonder of wonder.. They thought it would be a marvelous idea to take the crazy train to Atlanta! The cast has been shaken up several times but the drama still remains Georgia peach flavored and deadly as an oleander bloom. NeNe Leeks can only be described as a shiny penny from the ghetto. Kim Zolciak is the biggest spending, no job having, sucking penis for a Bentley, materialistic old prostitute television has ever seen. This Big Poppa business is so ridiculous, and just when we were about to really get sick of her, she started singing. NeNe and Kim are permanent frienenimies.
Best quote ever "Kim is a low down dirty monkey with a wig on" I can't even type that without laughing till tears roll down my cheeks. Sherree Whitfield had a secret love child she tried to keep hidden, as I suppose having a kid who is in her mid 20's forces Sherree to either be older than she wants to portray or a slutty hot in the ass teenager. She also *cough* designs clothes and *double cough* acts. Another delusional woman spending her way right into debt oblivion. Khandi Burrus an accomplice on the horrid song Tardy for the Party usually has a boring story line. Although, her former fiancee who was the father of over 10 children was murdered. Still kinda boring. The two new members of the cast seem snooze worthy so I won't bother mentioning them. Well.. I will say Phaedra Parks being a lawyer married to a felon does have quite a twist. I can't wait to see where this is going.
I do love Dwight and all of his gay extra fabulousness.. How could you not? He is just soo ghey.
Then Jersey got it's shot. Ludicrous! These women really cranked up the crazy to level ten then turned the knob a few more times for good measure. Danielle Staub (her current name) showed how insane a person could really be. She played the victim like old Miss Haversham in her crumbling home. THEN.. Her past came up. Hooker, drug addict, FBI informant, the list goes on and on.. Mostly.. Danielle is the loser of friends.
Danielle in her "Love and Light" moment no doubt. How can we forget the wonderful table flipping incident at dinner?
This is either the face of someone ferociously pissed off OR the face of someone insane... OR both... You choose. Either way the phrase "prostitution whore" has been used around my home many many times since much to my delight.Teresa Giudice went totally banannas and sent the whole room running for cover when she flipped the table, or the moniker on the show "Italian Table Flip". On another note, everyone wants to have  Carloine Manzo as their mother. Hands down she seems like one of the most grounded women out of all the Housewives Franchises. Plus she is just damn cool.
The Housewives of DC were so boring.. So very very very boring I am not even going to break down the season. The best card they could have played was the White House Crashers. The Salahis! They are on another planet seriously. They have financial problems average people could never fathom, yet jet off to Paris to a hip hop concert and waltz into the White House as if they own it. PRICELESS. By the way.. WHO names a horse Sparkle?
She does! She also looks foolish in that sari. Quick someone force feed her some soul food so she can stop looking like a gaunt escapee from the Bastille. Pale and half dead. The woman looks 1.5 pounds above organ failure.
Now it is Beverly Hills turn to commingle us. These women actually HAVE money. Lisa VanderPump, Adrienne Maloof, Camille Grammer, and Kim Richards have undeniable money. They also have mild drama. Well.. Actually Camille Grammer seems like she is bipolar. What an uber bitch! No wonder Kelsey left her ass.. She is so delusional she actually called Kelsey "the greatest actor in the world".. Huh? What? This instillation of the Housewives is rather boring but I do like watching the lives of actual wealthy people.

They recently had a casting call for Houston. I can't wait to see who will step off of the Preposterous Train in the Lone Star State. Chances are.. It is going to be hilarious. My finger is ready for pointing and I'm ready to laugh.


Sooo yeah.. I picked up a part time job at Macy's to quell the credit card debt. So far I am doing pretty good about not spending a ton of money at the old J-O considering I REFUSE to buy clothes until I lose weight. However, perfume and cosmetics always fit so I find myself lusting after Chanel Rouge Allure lipgloss and Michael Kors perfume. My willpower is being tested every time my heels tap through the doors. Buuuuut anyway this post is about Black Friday and the mayhem which ensued today.

Macy's opened at 4AM this morning. Most of my co-workers are tucked snugly in their beds at 4AM but for me that is Prime Time at the Nut Hut.. Needless to say I was ELATED to find myself scheduled to open the store. Then.. I was frightened.

For years I have watched the type of madness Black Friday entails. People camping outside of stores to be in the first wave of shoppers to get the greatest bargain. Hoards of shoppers grabbing and snatching merchandise that no doubt will be returned sometime during the months of January or February. Yet, each year die hard shoppers, their families, and significant others brave the over crowded stores, parking lots filled to capacity, and tired over it sales associates to find the perfect gift for the perfect price.

When I pulled up blasting Jay Z at 3:30 this morning I was STUNNED to see a line of people out in THE RAIN wrapped around the building. For a second I thought perhaps Jesus scheduled a Miracle Giveaway in the store and no one told me. As I made my way to the employee entrance my fascination grew exponentially when people started asking me questions about where certain items were located in the store. As if it was a treasure hunt and I had valuable clues to help them in their quest. Once again accustomed to being awake at this hour I was more friendly and cordial than I would be at sayyyy about 3PM but we will get to that.

Inside the store was buzzing with activity and most of the employees were hype. Especially ones who work in commission departments (ME).  The lights had barely come on when the floodgates opened and people started racing into the store. I WAS HORRIFIED! The only thing that can come close to the stampede of shoppers is the running of the bulls in Spain. For once I was thankful the jewelry department associates are safely behind a locked gate. There were people everywhere! The escalator had so many people on it I thought I had been transported to an amusement park and the escalator was the feature ride attraction.

From 4 to 1 there were non-stop people! I doubt I have ever worked harder or more efficiently in my life. And.. It PAID OFF.. Literally. No.. Seriously. Technically I am considered an "on-call" employee. (basically I work for my discount but not enough to be hounded about sales goals and clientele) I outsold all of the other employees by laps. The full time women are some of the highest sellers in the company and have the accouterments to prove it. All sorts of stars and plaques commending them for their ability to part a fool *ahem* customer and their money. I killed them. I totally killed them. I have no idea if it was pure motivation, or my sense of competitiveness but I felt we were all on an even playing field and they were going down. And they did. All of them. In flames.

Were my phenomenal sales due to my charming personality? Or could it have been I was just lucky? Or perhaps my super psych abilities were running in overdrive? Who knows? I DO know I made my sales goal by 287% and that is all that matters as once again.. I work in a COMMISSION department. CHA-CHING!!! Needless to say by the time my shift ended at 4; I was exhausted, my feet were killing me from wearing 6 inch platform sparkly heels, I was starving but too tired to figure out what I wanted to eat, and most of all... SICK OF TALKING! I plan on spending all of Saturday in bed as I wisely took the night off from the Nut Hut in anticipation of my patience being completely drained.

So Black Friday.. A day when all retail establishments books go from being in the red to being in the black. Retail heaven and I was a well dressed angel. Instead of spending copious amounts of money, I actually made money so for me it was a win win winnah!


I think all girls have a love affair with things from Tiffany.. I mean.. How can you not? Even the most tomboyish of women get giddy when they see the unmistakable Tiffany Blue Box. I have been lucky enough to receive one once in my life. I still have warm fuzzies about the person who gave it to me. Tiffany Box = Free Pass for a lifetime.

Flash forward about 8 years later. I have this great charm bracelet and I never bothered to put charms on it. They were so popular I stopped wearing mine for a while. I try to say a few laps past the current trend than rather than on trend. However, that doesn't negate I have a TIFFANY BRACELET! I need to wear it move often. Most people just wear theirs with the original toggle and don't add charms to it. I decided to add charms to mine. Luckily they are affordable. Perhaps with some help from my friends and a 1 charm a month plan in about 6 months my bracelet will be complete. Wish me luck!

Oracle's Tiffany Charm List
don' mignon et accessible  t que vous pensez

Um Ok. Not trying to phone in a blog or anything, but I have a lot of things on my mind. Instead of trying to separate them into individual posts which would force me to really dissect what is going on in my life, I am just going to list them. Anyone who reads these little ditties I come up with knows how much I love listing things. I also love pictures. And on to..

Oracle's Things I am Thinking about Tuesday

I was forced to go to a stupid employee meeting at the Nut Hut on my day off.. Basically it was about gossiping and we were chastised like small children for about an hour not to gossip. What a fuckin waste of my time. Number 1. I am still going to gossip. Number 2. The people the meeting was really about are going to continue their little chess game against each other which is going to cause me to.. GOSSIP MORE. I don't have a dog in that fight so I am going to stand on the sidelines like Switzerland and watch the fallout and GOSSIP about it.  On the upside of this, I was the best dressed person in the room. Then again. I am USUALLY the best dressed person. It is always my mission to out dress everybody and that day they could kiss my Coach shoes. What a waste of my damn time. FU NUT HUT FU!

In other Nut Hut news.. The man I have a huge crush on is moving back to day shift. So my nightly conversations with one of the very few people at el casa de crazy is being taken away from me. I am going to be honest. I'm selfish. I want him to stay on this shift to entertain me. Moving back to the day shift is the best decision for him since he never managed to acclimate to working over night but I will miss him. I doubt we will have any interaction from this point on. I feel like a good friend is moving across country and I will never see them again. People come into your life for a reason. Perhaps he served his purpose by giving me a push in the right direction. He did get my off my complacent ass and got me to start working on a master plan. So for that.. I am grateful.. It didn't hurt he is a handsome devil as well. Sometimes I wonder in a different time and a different place.. I am starting to sound like an Erykah Badu song. Yet.. I still wonder if the final chapter was been written for our story.

I am sick of being fat.. Actually.. I am sick of being in my own head about being fat. Many people men and women are always telling me I am not fat. Yet, I tune them out and play the internal track in my head of "you are such a fatass". I know how my weight loss works. If I am depressed (totally residing in Depressionville) I am heavier.. When I am happy I am as light as a feather. I need to get my head out of my ass and work on being happier, otherwise I might need a motorized chair to get around soon. 

I need to work on being less scorpio. What does that mean? It means I set people up to fail miserably. I outwardly proclaim I have no expectations of people yet secretly I set up elaborate tests I expect people to pass. Without prepping them OR giving them a playbook. I expect people to read my mind and know exactly what to do and when to do it. Worst part. When people do not live up to my invisible expectations I punish them. How crazy am I? Very crazy I must say. I am going to work on being more communicative towards telling people how I REALLY feel. I am going to work on not constructing a mine field of trials. I am also going to try to stop treating people like experiments. I have a habit of predicting things and sitting back waiting for the results. I must say I am accurate to about .09%. I doubt I will be tossing about my opinions like a bridal bouquet, but I will be more proactive in the lives of my friends. 

I am still trying to give up Coke.. I managed to go 3 days without drinking one. I had a headache today after another EPIC argument with el exeo and went straight for a Coke. It is not only a comfort emotional response but a headache killer. Either way. I need to back away from Coke. 

Meh.. I am most likely thinking about a zillion other things, but this list is enough for now.. I am wondering who I will develop a crush on next. My life is full of kindergarten crushes. I learned that phrase from Sting. He deserves credit for" kindergarten crush" catchphrase. Usually I don't give people credit for any damn thing. I take it over as if it is my own but he is #1 a Scorpio (you don't want to cross us) and #2 has a cool name. Soooo.. I respect him. Annnnnd I'm done!

Oh maybe I will stop cursing.