My brother is about nine years older than I am.. Wiser? Perhaps. He is always giving me advice. No matter what level of expertise or lack there of on the subject, he has some sort of gem or sage to drop on me. Years ago, before I graduated from high school, he told me to always date people who like you more than you like them. Sound advice? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. For years I have clung to that code of being with men who have liked me more than I liked them. It may have turned me into a player, as I rarely formed lasting attachments to the people I dated. They came.. They went.. It didn't bother me much because I had little invested in them emotionally as, well, they liked me way more than I liked them. Men would get so emotional and irate when they would act out in order to get some sort of passionate response out of me. It never worked as my mind was on their replacement. After all.. I just wasn't that into them. They were ok. They would do for now. Well.. Now that I am older and hopefully wiser, I seem to to be able to shake this code of conduct. It is a great way to protect my feelings. If I am not invested, I can't get hurt. This I am learning is going to eventually work against me. When I finally meet a man whom I will be totally into, I do not know if I will be able to control my passion for them. After all, I do not have years of experience under my belt with feelings such as the ones which he will illicit from me. What am I going to do? I will actually care and give a damn what happens in the relationship. He won't be disposable. I do not have a template of what to do. I will be walking blindly into a disaster. Problem is.. I am already there. I now into someone more than they are into me. Karma is a beyouch.
Whenever the year wraps up the media goes into a frenzy writing lists of this and lists of that. It always gives me pause. Who in the world did they poll? Where did they get their statistics? Who makes up these lists which are suppose to represent public opinion and consent. I know for a fact none of the people I know (and I know many people) have ever been poled. So that makes me wonder.. Who gives these people the authority to tell the public at large what we collectively think?


I am sure more "lists" will start coming out of the woodwork as we get closer to January. The first one up to bat which I have taken personal offense is the "what were they thinking decade in review" list on Yahoo. I have been present during the last ten years and paying close attention to all newsworthy and even some not exactly newsworthy stories. As soon as I got to number 8 I was taken aback... It was concerning the Janet Jackson Justin Timerlake Boobgate during the Super Bowl. I mean really? During the last TEN years, Janet Jackson's nipple would rank number 8 on the what were they thinking list? Come on Yahoo.. Are you serious? I could come up with a list of RELEVANT issues which were far more pressing than the nip of JJ. Number 10 also confused me. Are you trying to tell me that the money spent on the movie The Adventures of Pluto Nash is such a critical mistake in a ten year time line in America that it must be listed? Come on Yahoo come on! I admit I have never personally seen the movie but it certainly can't be such a blunder that it ranks 10 on the what were they thinking list. Whomever wrote this article was reaching.. I mean really reaching. It is as if they did not pick up a paper, watch the news, or take their head out of their ass in ten whole years! I would construct my own list of the top ten what were they thinking moments, but I am afraid it would contain relevant moments in history rather than fluff someone slapped together to fill a slot on the Yahoo line up. Perfect example.. Two words.. Sara Palin.
Some women like bad boys.. Some women like Southern gentlemen.. Some women like CEO types.. Me.. I like very very intelligent men. The type of man that is uber book smart and just a little lacking in social skills. If I met a man with Asberger's syndrome I would be in heaven. I rarely come in contact with these demi gods of intelligence as they are usually home playing fantasy games or writing dissertations on Star Wars or reading Harry Potter books. So. I feed my need for brainiac men by watching the Big Bang Theory. However, I have just discovered the ultimate man for me. 
I do not get to watch a bunch of television due to a hectic work schedule, however the show Criminal Minds has been syndicated recently. Oh how I love this show. One would think I would be into the hunky Shemar Moore character. He is handsome, fit, clever, and a ladies man. I admit he has his appeal.. But to me, he doesn't hold a candle to Dr. Spencer Reid. Cue the swoon.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this character.

There is just something about him that draws me in. I watch the show ONLY because of this particular character. I could care less about the other supporting cast. I could care even less about the story lines and all of the psych terms and conditions they use completely incorrectly. All I want to do is watch Dr. Spencer Reid. They might as well rename the show Dr. Spencer Reid Show. To me Dr. Reid is the perfect guy. He is so geeky smart it makes me giddy. Dr. Reid knows everything about everything. I am not deluding myself into thinking he is a real person. I know he is a fictional character. However, he is the total prototype for Mr. Oracle. I would actually consider getting married again IF and only IF I can marry a man just like Dr. Spencer Reid. I am wasting time writing this post when I could be actually watching Criminal Minds. I need to get my Spencer fix for the day. God bless DVR.

Working as the night psych at the nut hut can have its moments when I question my career choice. To say I have earned my stripes is an understatement to say the least. I am not able to go into too much detail due to client privacy, but believe me, the things I have witnessed deserve their own reality tv show.  The unit I work on has kids who have been residents for at least 2 years and many have been there for 4 or more. Basically, this is their home. The kids aren't able to spend holidays, birthdays, or even summers with their families as it will interrupt their treatment. Many times it is their home environment which is the VERY reason why they are placed with us. But I digress..

The other night I was asked to decorate this door of one of the clients as it would be his birthday when he woke up. I had a ton of paperwork to do and was pretty cranky that night as I was completing an 18 hour work day/night. I grabbed the box of decorations and made my way down to his room. As I was hanging streamers and balancing on a chair to tape this stuff up, I was grumbling to myself. I was upset the task of decorating the door was mine when there were OTHER people who had less work to do that could have performed this task. I believe I actually said out loud "College and graduate education $37,000.00 being a decorator at the nut hut.. priceless".. Either way. I blew up balloons and hung festive decorations to the best of my ability and went back to my paperwork. The next day I had completely forgotten about decorating the client's door.  When I got to work (I work from about 10pm to 7am) the client had stayed up to talk to me. This is a big deal because usually the kids have long been asleep by my arrival. He asked if he could hug me and then professed how happy he was that I decorated his door. I was taken aback. In my world a few balloons and streamers isn't such a big deal. He informed me it had been over 6 years since anyone has done anything for his birthday. I was so humbled. In that moment I was ashamed of how salty I had been over doing a simple, yet obviously important task. I told him it was my pleasure and wished him a happy birthday. Later that night I found a box of chocolate covered pretzels in my bag. I attached a note and left them on the dresser for him. It may not have been the most pricy of gifts, but in his case I know it was completely appreciated. It might have been his birthday, but I was the one who got a gift. It was priceless and I am very thankful for it. The little things mean a whole hell of a lot. As this holiday season rolls on, I am going to focus on doing little things rather than showy large ones. After all. They are the most memorable.