My brother is about nine years older than I am.. Wiser? Perhaps. He is always giving me advice. No matter what level of expertise or lack there of on the subject, he has some sort of gem or sage to drop on me. Years ago, before I graduated from high school, he told me to always date people who like you more than you like them. Sound advice? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. For years I have clung to that code of being with men who have liked me more than I liked them. It may have turned me into a player, as I rarely formed lasting attachments to the people I dated. They came.. They went.. It didn't bother me much because I had little invested in them emotionally as, well, they liked me way more than I liked them. Men would get so emotional and irate when they would act out in order to get some sort of passionate response out of me. It never worked as my mind was on their replacement. After all.. I just wasn't that into them. They were ok. They would do for now. Well.. Now that I am older and hopefully wiser, I seem to to be able to shake this code of conduct. It is a great way to protect my feelings. If I am not invested, I can't get hurt. This I am learning is going to eventually work against me. When I finally meet a man whom I will be totally into, I do not know if I will be able to control my passion for them. After all, I do not have years of experience under my belt with feelings such as the ones which he will illicit from me. What am I going to do? I will actually care and give a damn what happens in the relationship. He won't be disposable. I do not have a template of what to do. I will be walking blindly into a disaster. Problem is.. I am already there. I now into someone more than they are into me. Karma is a beyouch.
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