Sometimes I believe my life is permanently on hold. Let me explain. I feel like my life with *start* as soon as I accomplish something. In high school I believed my life would begin as soon as I graduated. Surely things would right themselves as soon as I went to college. While I was in college I just knew that after graduation my life would be established. Out in the real world away from the comforts of home and family I struggled to define myself. I was no longer my parent’s child nor was the halls of academia my home. So who was I? Solution. Get married. Then my life would start. Once married, I learned that I was constantly living for the next step. I was always focused on the future which I believed had all of the answers and the fairy tale ending which I craved. Yet, with each accomplishment I just refocused myself to yearn for the step beyond. At no time in my past did I enjoy the journey. I paid no attention to the scenery around me. All I did was focus on the next and ignored the now. This caused me to miss out on so many wonderful things. They just did not make a blip on my radar as they were the current and not the future. I’ve learned the future is not always the cure for what ails me, and the right now may be the treatment which will guarantee the well being of the future. I’m glad this realization blazed into my right now, because I can’t wait for the future to change my current.
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