I was forced to go to a stupid employee meeting at the Nut Hut on my day off.. Basically it was about gossiping and we were chastised like small children for about an hour not to gossip. What a fuckin waste of my time. Number 1. I am still going to gossip. Number 2. The people the meeting was really about are going to continue their little chess game against each other which is going to cause me to.. GOSSIP MORE. I don't have a dog in that fight so I am going to stand on the sidelines like Switzerland and watch the fallout and GOSSIP about it.  On the upside of this, I was the best dressed person in the room. Then again. I am USUALLY the best dressed person. It is always my mission to out dress everybody and that day they could kiss my Coach shoes. What a waste of my damn time. FU NUT HUT FU!

In other Nut Hut news.. The man I have a huge crush on is moving back to day shift. So my nightly conversations with one of the very few people at el casa de crazy is being taken away from me. I am going to be honest. I'm selfish. I want him to stay on this shift to entertain me. Moving back to the day shift is the best decision for him since he never managed to acclimate to working over night but I will miss him. I doubt we will have any interaction from this point on. I feel like a good friend is moving across country and I will never see them again. People come into your life for a reason. Perhaps he served his purpose by giving me a push in the right direction. He did get my off my complacent ass and got me to start working on a master plan. So for that.. I am grateful.. It didn't hurt he is a handsome devil as well. Sometimes I wonder in a different time and a different place.. I am starting to sound like an Erykah Badu song. Yet.. I still wonder if the final chapter was been written for our story.

I am sick of being fat.. Actually.. I am sick of being in my own head about being fat. Many people men and women are always telling me I am not fat. Yet, I tune them out and play the internal track in my head of "you are such a fatass". I know how my weight loss works. If I am depressed (totally residing in Depressionville) I am heavier.. When I am happy I am as light as a feather. I need to get my head out of my ass and work on being happier, otherwise I might need a motorized chair to get around soon. 

I need to work on being less scorpio. What does that mean? It means I set people up to fail miserably. I outwardly proclaim I have no expectations of people yet secretly I set up elaborate tests I expect people to pass. Without prepping them OR giving them a playbook. I expect people to read my mind and know exactly what to do and when to do it. Worst part. When people do not live up to my invisible expectations I punish them. How crazy am I? Very crazy I must say. I am going to work on being more communicative towards telling people how I REALLY feel. I am going to work on not constructing a mine field of trials. I am also going to try to stop treating people like experiments. I have a habit of predicting things and sitting back waiting for the results. I must say I am accurate to about .09%. I doubt I will be tossing about my opinions like a bridal bouquet, but I will be more proactive in the lives of my friends. 

I am still trying to give up Coke.. I managed to go 3 days without drinking one. I had a headache today after another EPIC argument with el exeo and went straight for a Coke. It is not only a comfort emotional response but a headache killer. Either way. I need to back away from Coke. 

Meh.. I am most likely thinking about a zillion other things, but this list is enough for now.. I am wondering who I will develop a crush on next. My life is full of kindergarten crushes. I learned that phrase from Sting. He deserves credit for" kindergarten crush" catchphrase. Usually I don't give people credit for any damn thing. I take it over as if it is my own but he is #1 a Scorpio (you don't want to cross us) and #2 has a cool name. Soooo.. I respect him. Annnnnd I'm done!

Oh maybe I will stop cursing.

FIN