I am a lemon cleanse drop out. A total failure. Basically, the lemon cleanse and I got along as well as BP executives and "the little people".  I came, I saw, it kicked my ass. The lemon cleanse is just not for me.. or anyone else who enjoys chewing.
2 pounds above organ failure Beyonce post Lemon Cleanse

I admit, in my battle to lose weight I am pretty apt to try ANYTHING people drag across my doorstep as long as they use the magic phrase "you can lose a lot of weight doing this". Many times (read every time) I hear this good sense takes a vacation and I readily jump on the crazy train hoping the last stop will be thin town.  So yeah. I was reading some ladies magazine which I noticed they all have "weight loss secrets" articles in abundance, and saw the lemon cleanse article. The before and after picture was compelling enough for me. Picture one. A slightly chubby woman in an extra tight swimsuit looking uncomfortable in front of the camera. Yah. I identify with her. Picture two. A uber thin woman wearing a slinky bikini grinning like  a simpleton in front of the camera with amazing abs and a sultry come hither pose.. Yeah.. I can identify with HER too as that was my permanent look last year. So. Lemon cleanse it is for me! I have no shame. I am a sucker for good marketing.

I went to the grocery store which was a task for me in and of itself. I hate the grocery store. I DO like the  liquor store, but I digress. I grabbed a basket and wheeled around gathering the necessary ingredients for this diet. Lemons. Check! Grade B Organic syrup.  Eye opening expensive but check! I had the cayenne pepper at home as when I DO cook it is usually something spicy. I make a killer shrimp puttanesca.  Along the way I also picked up some fresh fruit. Good idea. Wine. Not such a BAD idea. Gourmet cheese. Not a VERY bad idea. I managed to refrain from adding a key lime tartlet to my basket thanks to Anne cheering me on.

The very next day I made the concoction. 12 lemons later and my hand was cramped. The drink itself isn't bad. BUT.. You are ONLY allowed to drink the cleanse for 4 days. ONLY drink. I tried my best. I truly did.. My motivation was Beyonce losing weight to be in Dream Girls using this method. 8 of these spicy lemonades a day. I still continued going to the gym but I did modify my exercise routine to one less strenuous. It wasn't long before my head became fuzzy. I would forget small things. People would talk to me and my mind would completely wander. (usually I do this trick on purpose) I was tired. I was CRANKY. More cranky than usual, people noticed! At work it was as if I was flying through the halls on a broom.

Finally good sense kicked in and I got off the wagon. Well actually I was asked to watch the World Cup at a local sports bar and the smell of real food was too tempting. The urge to chew was too compelling. I ordered the biggest, greasiest, baconest burger I could get my hands on and a MOUNTAIN of french fries. The first couple of bites made me feel sick but I am not a quitter! (well I am actually) Once I was finished eating, I managed to get a red velvet cupcake in my system as well later that night. In for a penny in for a pound. I don't have any of the mixture left and frankly I am not going to make anymore of it. Squeezing all of those lemons for just basically a day's worth of cleanse was tedious. I have better things to do with my time. Like go to the batting cage with my new pink baseball gloves, or waste hour upon hour on twitter. So. I am a lemon cleanse drop out. Would I recommend the diet? Perhaps. To someone who has more willpower than I do, and anyone who doesn't have teeth or enjoys chewing. I will just stick to working out.


Comments (3)

On June 28, 2010 at 5:09 PM , feministified said...

yikes! i had never heard of this!! tempting...but not as much as a big bowl of ice cream :))

On June 29, 2010 at 7:02 PM , Danie D said...

I've done this and you're right - I missed chewing a lot. But I survived and now I do it seasonally. I'm sure you'll fine what's right for you.

On July 2, 2010 at 1:46 PM , DivaJulia said...

I've thought about trying this crap...and I love that you talked me out of it by writing this.

DanieD? You do it seasonally?? Oh dear LAWD. I'm crabby enough without only drinking (something without vodka...). but PROPS. Wow.

xoxo j