I am a lemon cleanse drop out. A total failure. Basically, the lemon cleanse and I got along as well as BP executives and "the little people".  I came, I saw, it kicked my ass. The lemon cleanse is just not for me.. or anyone else who enjoys chewing.

I admit, in my battle to lose weight I am pretty apt to try ANYTHING people drag across my doorstep as long as they use the magic phrase "you can lose a lot of weight doing this". Many times (read every time) I hear this good sense takes a vacation and I readily jump on the crazy train hoping the last stop will be thin town.  So yeah. I was reading some ladies magazine which I noticed they all have "weight loss secrets" articles in abundance, and saw the lemon cleanse article. The before and after picture was compelling enough for me. Picture one. A slightly chubby woman in an extra tight swimsuit looking uncomfortable in front of the camera. Yah. I identify with her. Picture two. A uber thin woman wearing a slinky bikini grinning like  a simpleton in front of the camera with amazing abs and a sultry come hither pose.. Yeah.. I can identify with HER too as that was my permanent look last year. So. Lemon cleanse it is for me! I have no shame. I am a sucker for good marketing.
I went to the grocery store which was a task for me in and of itself. I hate the grocery store. I DO like the  liquor store, but I digress. I grabbed a basket and wheeled around gathering the necessary ingredients for this diet. Lemons. Check! Grade B Organic syrup.  Eye opening expensive but check! I had the cayenne pepper at home as when I DO cook it is usually something spicy. I make a killer shrimp puttanesca.  Along the way I also picked up some fresh fruit. Good idea. Wine. Not such a BAD idea. Gourmet cheese. Not a VERY bad idea. I managed to refrain from adding a key lime tartlet to my basket thanks to Anne cheering me on.

The very next day I made the concoction. 12 lemons later and my hand was cramped. The drink itself isn't bad. BUT.. You are ONLY allowed to drink the cleanse for 4 days. ONLY drink. I tried my best. I truly did.. My motivation was Beyonce losing weight to be in Dream Girls using this method. 8 of these spicy lemonades a day. I still continued going to the gym but I did modify my exercise routine to one less strenuous. It wasn't long before my head became fuzzy. I would forget small things. People would talk to me and my mind would completely wander. (usually I do this trick on purpose) I was tired. I was CRANKY. More cranky than usual, people noticed! At work it was as if I was flying through the halls on a broom.


Finally good sense kicked in and I got off the wagon. Well actually I was asked to watch the World Cup at a local sports bar and the smell of real food was too tempting. The urge to chew was too compelling. I ordered the biggest, greasiest, baconest burger I could get my hands on and a MOUNTAIN of french fries. The first couple of bites made me feel sick but I am not a quitter! (well I am actually) Once I was finished eating, I managed to get a red velvet cupcake in my system as well later that night. In for a penny in for a pound. I don't have any of the mixture left and frankly I am not going to make anymore of it. Squeezing all of those lemons for just basically a day's worth of cleanse was tedious. I have better things to do with my time. Like go to the batting cage with my new pink baseball gloves, or waste hour upon hour on twitter. So. I am a lemon cleanse drop out. Would I recommend the diet? Perhaps. To someone who has more willpower than I do, and anyone who doesn't have teeth or enjoys chewing. I will just stick to working out.

FIN