Yesterday I received a curious missive from a young lady I do not know. Lately I have been getting lots of those African dating scheme emails and I was JUST about to delete it when an unusual name which belongs to a friend of mine caught my eye. Annnnnnddd... Then my day went wacky from there.
This distraught woman was writing me to inform me that my friend was cheating with 15 to 30 other women. I find this HILARIOUS since we are not together. As I read more I am in the throws of extreme laughter as she gives me all sorts of details about what is going on. From my standpoint NONE of this concerns me at all. If anything it was going to be a good chuckle. So. The letter. On and on she goes about all sorts of women my friend has allegedly played. THEN.. It HITS me. The part of the letter I actually DO care about. And I quote, "he says YOU are the reason he is this monster" and "he says YOU broke him". Oh ho ho! Hold on! Je crie a mon frere! Don't lay your heartache at my doorstep!
I must move backward to move forward. This villain in question was my college boyfriend. We were together for 5 years and I consider him the love of my life. As all young relationships go, it wasn't always cotton candy and champagne kisses. We had our problems. I admit I cheated on him. I KNOW he cheated on me. We never really officially broke up, we just faded away from each other. Flash to 2008. Through the power of the Internet, we found one another again. Over months of long revealing emails and phone calls I THOUGHT we had gotten everything straightened out. I figured we both atoned for our past sins. He assured me that it was water under the bridge and even encouraged me to contact his best friend and his mother. Since then we have become close again. Very close. Well as close as you can get to a Scorpio, we are a secretive lot.
Secrets! Ostensibly someone has all sorts of secrets. The only one I am concerned about is the resentment still harbored toward me. Whatever is going on with the women running like trains in and out of his life, is none of my concern. I actually do not care at all. The whole idea I created a monster. A cheater. A player. The breaker of hearts. Which makes me ponder.... Can someone be blamed for another's behavior? Check Yes.. Check No
In my field, I deal almost exclusively with people who blame other people for their outbursts, reactions, and behavioral issues. With some clients, events in their past is like red dye in a can of white paint. They are forever changed. But. Am I the red dye in his can of paint when he was doing the same thing I was at the SAME time? Signs point to no. Am I the fall guy for malconduct and misbehavior? Signs point to yes. Being a person who likes to look at situations from multiple sides, maybe I am to blame. However, as a reasonable adult one would think he has grown out of such playeristic behavior. I mean come on! We are in our 30's now! Long time since college. As humans we are in a constant state of evolution. Surely he has evolved. Then again perhaps he is happy using women to work out some sort of misplaced anger towards me.
Well. I am coming full circle. The answer or MY answer is No. I am not to blame for whatever is going on. I did write the young lady a very kind letter back suggesting she get therapy (my standard form answer for more situations like this). I haven't heard from him. I doubt I will. He always keeps his cards close to his chest. But not close enough, as he was busted by inch high private eye. Whethere all of this is true or not isn't by business at all. I just hope the loose cannon isn't going to do anything crazy. Well more crazy than sending people several emails and accusing them of being the reason a man is a player. My advice in the future is two part. 1. Stop slacking on your pimping. Don't be so sloppy next time. Or 2. Talk to someone about your issues with the monster maker. I know a great person who is a very good listener. She works for cupcakes and loves you very much. After all. You are still her best friend.