So basically all the people who are close to me know to tread lightly about celebrating or even mentioning the day I was born. I am very age sensitive.. Hell.. I am age VAIN. The entire thought of getting older.. Well.. It annoys me. I admit the wiser part is pretty kick ass but I am learning as the years tick by, your body starts revolting on you.
Once a long time ago there was this starry eyed hot bodied chick who had the world under her stilettos. She knew everything, could charm anyone, and everything went her way. Perhaps the universe thought she had it too good.. Or maybe she used all of her luck and charm up instead of spreading it out during her lifetime. Either way.. That chick is gone.. Long gone.. Distant memory. In her place is a soft bodied, somewhat smart mouthed, cagey, super distrustful and hella bitter woman. Doesn't sound like an upgrade does it? Life.. Living life does things to you. It ages you in many ways.
Well.. I refuse to age. I am not letting the process of ageing do another thing to me. Hence the no birthdays. This concept perplexes people but it makes perfect sense to me. When people ask me how old I am (after I shoot them the coolest of looks) I always respond by asking them "How old do I look?" If I like the age, then I say thank you. I'm residing somewhere between deception and non disclosure which is perfectly fine with me.
I am not anti-birthdays. Just no birthday for me please.. The last birthday I had which was absolutely a blast was when I turned 30. What a great year. Then. Well. It went downhill from there. I got married to a man who didn't make a big deal of birthdays. He wanted to go out to eat, but since we used to eat out oh about 3 to 4 nights a week anyway.. What was the point? And gifts? FORGET IT! He would tell me to buy something I wanted which just like eating out I was doing anyway. Soo.. As the years pressed on I just sorta gave up on my birthday. I was conditioned by proxy. On the other side of this I am learning that people give a damn about my birthday and actually want to make it nice for me. I am now working towards being gracious and less uncomfortable about this whole birthday thing.
I am holding out hope that I will eventually end up with a significant other who KNOWS me.. Who knows I want cupcakes AND an ice cream cake for my birthday. He would know what perfume I wanted and to wrap it up with PINK wrapping paper and a PINK bow. He would take me out to dinner someplace special and NOT tell the wait staff it was my birthday so they would be forced to sing to me. We would then go to a play or a concert. Afterwards instead of going home we would go to a hotel. One which had a flower arrangement that didn't include a single rose. I am sure all the adults in the audience can figure out the rest of this scenario. I'm a Scorpio. My gratitude expressed sexually is an amazing thing. The next morning I would wake up with a velvet box containing some amazing piece of jewelry.
Yeah.. THAT is the kind of birthday I have always wanted and never gotten. But. I know in time it will happen. So I will be patient. Until then. No birthdays. But thanks for the well wishes. I truly appreciate them.
Oh and one more thing.. @msannek wrote such a lovely post about me.. I would like to publicly thank her for being such an awesome friend and putting pictures of me I actually LIKE up. She claims I guard my image like an ageing starlet. Annnnnd.. She is right.