The saying when a door closes, God opens a window is an old adage I am not sure I can put full faith in right now. Recently I found out the one true love of my life has a girlfriend. Yay him. Boo me. What a direct blow to my heart. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for him as he is such a great guy he deserves all the happiness the world has to offer, but there is a selfish part of me which is completely crushed. Like.. Seriously.. Crushed coal into a diamond crushed. Egocentric Oracle, that’s me. I never claimed to be a saint. I tend to stick to what I am good at; focusing on me seems to be working quite well post-divorce.



I’ve always believed once the marriage was finally over, I would move back to the East Coast, and start my life over..Fresh.. Renewed… Focused.. In this scenario, he would come riding up on a white horse (or in his case a black SUV) and sweep me away to my fairy tale happy ending. I mean come on.. I suffered over 5 years. I have paid my dues. Cue happy ending please, complete with cheery music and a blue bird on my shoulder. Alas, this is not going to happen, which leaves me to wonder what is next.. I like to plan things out. In fact, my plan A’s have sub plans and the sub plans have sub plans which have contingency plans that lead to plan B’s.. Like the shampoo commercial, and so on and so on and so on.. I don’t have a plan B. It never occurred to me that we wouldn’t eventually be together. Hell. Psycho me, I even had an R inscribed on my Tiffany bracelet as I KNEW my new last name would start with an “R”. Totally psycho. But not as bad as the chick on Say Yes to the Dress who bought a wedding dress but has no groom or even any prospects. PSYCHO!

So now. What am I going to do? Leaving Texas is not an option. That is totally going to go down. I don’t believe in needless suffering. The love of my life has moved on. Ok. Got it. Time to think of ANOTHER master plan. The door has been shut in my face. Slammed.. There is lipstick on the door.. I know now that we will never get back together. Check off of list. Now I am stuck in the room with the padlocked door and impatiently waiting for a window to appear. Hell, the window doesn’t need to be opened for me. My new contingency plan includes a crowbar for me to smash the window wide open and get out all by myself.



Comments (2)

On November 3, 2009 at 5:12 PM , Deb Willbethin said...

Hmm. I have a couple of thoughts. One is that a "girlfriend" isn't a wife--How do you know this is the real deal? And the other is, does this guy know how you feel?

Other than that, I'm sorry about the heartache. Sometimes that kind of pain feels like it scorches the soul.

One thing I have noticed, however, is that you are a chick who lands on her feet.

If this guy really is gone from your life--then, in a bit--good news! You get to have a fresh start. A new dream, a new plan. You'll be up for it.

For now, it's okay to be sad... But do check out my questions in the first paragraph first. No sense crying over milk that ain't been spilt.

Deb

 
On November 3, 2009 at 5:45 PM , Ari said...

An R huh? That's interesting.

AWww I know how you feel. Something will come along. Right? I'm in the same boat as you... it's getting old.