I am the biggest stress case you would ever want to meet. Given my chosen profession that sounds ridiculous. I dole out advice on how to de-stress all the time. (I'm good at it too) It is even more ludicrous considering I am a lazy Buddhist as well. I am so uptight and stressy at night my head doesn't even touch the pillow. I sorta hover over the mattress like the chick in the exorcist or a cheesy Vegas magic trick. I have lists and lists and lists of things I worry about all the time. Like stomach in knots worry. Many of the things are legitimate, however PLENTY of them are just plain silly. I consider myself to be extremely rational, yet these subsidiary worry lists beguiles all rationality. So. I have decided to make a list of things I worry about which I shall discontinue worrying about. (I am also very organized)
Things Oracle is NOT going to Worry about Anymore
or at least attempt to stop worrying about
  1. Falling in love
  2. Not falling in love
  3. Knowing what love feels like so that I know if 1 or 2 has happened
  4. Meeting and marrying a Jewish Dentist
  5. Creating the perfect play lists for my iPod
  6. If I am going to see Prince in concert again before he dies I got robbed by MJ
  7. Paying off ALL of my credit cards (I might take this off the list)
  8. Why my brother is such an ass
  9. Worrying about what D thinks about me/ Worrying that D doesn't think about me
  10. Waiting for Satan to drag my ex-husband back to hell from whence he came
  11. Why didn't I just get an iPhone like I wanted
  12. Wondering if the clothes I donated to Goodwill go to a good home (most of them were from Nordstrom or Banana Republic)
  13. What my dog is doing in heaven without me, we need each other
  14. How much happier I would have been if I had never gotten married
  15. If string theory is correct, what are the other Mes doing right now
  16. If time travel will ever happen
  17. Why did I major in psychology when people actually get on my nerves and I am only in it for the scratch
  18. Why can't I predict the future on a more consistent basis
  19. What happened to all the naps I was unable to take
  20. Why isn't there a Sprinkles Cupcakes in Houston (WTH)
  21. If I will ever get all my money back from my slackalicious ex (signs point to no)
  22. Why am I only really attracted to men from Brooklyn which is a bad thing because they ALL have game
  23. Trying to master the universe and bend it to my will
  24. The laundry pile that never seems to get COMPLETELY done
  25. When the economy will pick up so I can get a maid again
  26. Why the show Girlfriends got rid of the only good character Tony Childs, and why everyone keeps comparing the two of us
  27. What is Beyonce doing with MY MAN Jay Z (also a man from Brooklyn)
  28. When am I going to get that damn Gucci watch I have been lusting after
  29. Getting down to my high school weight of 106 (new goal is 130)
  30. If my spelling ability will ever improve

Comments (2)

On August 19, 2009 at 5:17 PM , mr. nichols said...

"Trying to master the universe and bend it to my will." I completely feel you on that.

On August 19, 2009 at 9:34 PM , Admin said...

Why don't you write psychology stuff online freelancing on associated content or the examiner. That way you don't have to talk to anyone. You're a great writer.

You are still going to worry about finding someone to kick or slap, I assume?!