After a long hiatus (being married) I have decided to start talking to men again. Not per say trying to get into a relationship, but just TALKING to them. My ex did such a number on me that I believe if a man's lips are moving, it is a lie. If not an out and out lie, a distorted version of the truth. Soo, with much deliberation, I decided to just TALK to men. I am now thinking what a supidass idea that was.

So. In the one week of me attempting to leave the safe cocoon of my home, I have encountered some of the most bizarre behavior by the holders of the XY chromosome. If this is what single gals have to put up with, leave me out. I have been bombarded with penis pictures, then asked to send all sorts of shots that would make Lary Flint blush. The requests have been bold as hell, like requesting specific lingerie or poses. Even props! I am not joking.. Props. I have also come in contact with some more savvy technology users who want videos. I was floored.

The next set of tomfoolery stunned me. It takes a lot to render me speechless. This asshole sent me a sex questioner which I was to fill out in depth before he would give me the time of day. Best part, he approached me! So basically he trolls around, finds a woman attractive, then before he invests his precious time in an email or a phone call, he has to ensure she meets his sexual expectations. Never mind his intellectual or spiritual needs. Just as long as the woman has the skills of an escort, he is perfectly content. How shallow of him. I didn't fill out the questioner. He did send me another message which contained a hotel address, time, and date. I promptly blocked him.

The most outrageous offer I received last week was from a married lawyer. He basically offered me the illustrious position of being his mistress. Well sorta. He asked for a key to my house and informed me that he would take me to get birth control next week. This was all after one brief conversation. He was the last straw. I can't even make it to dating. I have lost the interest. It seems men can't get past one conversation with me without being disqualified. I wonder if perhaps in my mind all I want is sex anyway and that is why all these bottom feeders are gravitating towards me. However, even strictly physical relationships require some finesse.

All in all, I have decided to stop exposing myself to this foolishness. I had written off men after my jackass husband. Now, like Moses I have the commandments written in stone. NO MEN for me. Not one. If I don't already know you, I have no reason to know you. I don't like you before I like you. I did decide instead of a man to keep me company, to get a puppy. Which in the end will provide way more satisfaction than a man ever will.

Comments (1)

On August 19, 2009 at 9:32 PM , Miss Unconventional, Latina Fatale said...

First of all, I LOVE that picture and I want to be her.

Second of all, I thought you LOVED the tweenis! Or is there another penis in your life?!

Third of all, oh my goddess, where have you been finding these dudes?!