I have never been one for sappy love songs.. Well.. I have never been one to PUBLICLY like sappy love songs. Privately maybe perhaps I have listened to a few. UPON OCCASION.. I heard the song by Celine Dion "Because you loved me" and something clicked in my head.
Recently the marriage that was not meant to be has exploded, imploded, then exploded again. The fallout is everywhere. I know it is over. He just can't seem to get it. I'm OVER you. Completely and utterly over YOU! I knew it was over when I started looking forward to the reruns of Snapped on Oxygen Channel. Those ladies give you a great blueprint of what not to do. Learn from their mistakes. The other night he called and I could detect the lit of Miller Lite in his conversation as clear as day. Crying and pontificating about how he wants "us" back. It has been years since I have believed anything he says, as I have learned numerous times, he is all about the grand speech and no follow up. In fact secretly I call him Congress or the Reverend. All talk. Beautifully constructed legislation. No true plan of action and absolutely no desire to do anything.
The word love gets thrown around like Halloween candy. It has become so weak and watered down that it holds no weight with me. I can hear "I love you" and be completely unmoved. My ex uses it like the get out of jail free card on a Monopoly board. The side effect of anything you use to much is, it looses it's potency. So when he called crying on the phone about how much he "loves" me, the Celine Dion song flashed in my head immediately. Because you love me, I am the way I am. Hard. Cold. Unfeeling. Mistrustful. Disgusted. Annoyed. Mean. Hateful. When I hear the word "love" I equate it with someone trying to get something out of me. Love to me is hustle or pimp talk.
I reworked the lyrics of the Celine Dion song for laughs and sent it to him. He was unamused. I was tickled to death.
Because you Loved Me by the Oracle
For all those times you stole from me
For all those lies you told to me
For all the joy you stole from my life
For all the arguments, stress, and strife
For every dream of yours that came true
I paid exuberant personal costs for you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who pissed me off
Never failed to slack off
Let me fix all the problems alone
You were the one who caused it all
You tried to convince me I was weak
You should have learned when not to speak
Your lies blinded my eyes to the truth
You stole my precious youth
Held me down when I tried to reach
I found only in God I could believe
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
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