As with all contracts, upon review it has come to my attention I have left out some important details. Since this is a rider relationship contract, I feel it is my justifiable right to add extra arrogates to the previous list. My world. My rules. So. There must be an understanding that I love Hello Kitty stuff. Just love love love delight in it. I do not want to hear any complaints about Hello Kitty checks or juvenile Hello Kitty apparel. Live with it. Roll with it. Canonize it. Nothing is going to stop the Hello Kitty train. NOTHING.
Must love dogs. Sorry. Just must love dogs. They are the most wonderful creatures on the planet and I do not see myself living without a dog. I will not date a man that does not like dogs. First of all I will think something is seriously wrong with him, and second I won't trust him because of said serious problem. If a dog doesn't like you there is a good ass reason why. Usually humans are slow to figure out what dogs can size up in a matter of seconds. Dogs can sense evil. So. Love me. Love my dog. My dog must love you. Non-Negotiable. (Sidebar-isn't this puppy the cutest ever ever?)
Here is yet another important constituent I neglected to mention yesterday. Cupcakes. Good cupcakes do NOT I repeat do NOT come from the grocery store. They just don't. I was so focused on the no grocery store flowers that I forgot to mention grocery store cupcakes are the scourge of my delicate pallet. Grocery store cupcakes are to take to a kid's school or their sporting practice. Grown women do not eat grocery store cupcakes. My PREFERENCE is Sprinkles Cupcakes but in a pinch I will diminish my expectations and nosh on other cupcake boutique cupcakes. However, SPRINKLES whenever possible. Red Velvet please. Do NOT ask for a bite either, lest you want the look of death to fall upon you.


Ok. This is a BIG ONE. The guy yesterday looked "gay" according to a few people. I do not want a gay loovvveeerrr. That is counter productive. I'm thinking about him.. He's thinking about some other guy.. Just not good for a HETEROSEXUAL relationship. So. NO GAY MEN! This guy or one masculine like him will do nicely. No Moes! If you have a suspect or questionable experience involving a man in the past, please do not apply. I can always tell a bi-curious/gay man. We would go at it like 2 wet cats in a burlap sack. Ok. So. To review. Must understand I love Hello Kitty. Must not ever ever bring me grocery store cupcakes. Must be HETEROSEXUAL. I better wrap this post up because I keep staring at the crotch of this guy in the picture. I won't get a thing done today.
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Comments (1)

On July 7, 2009 at 6:30 PM , Ari said...

Oh my word! Shortly before moving here I discovered that there was a Sprinkles here... I am so excited! I haven't been yet, hoping to convince a fiend to go with me but since I love cupcakes, I might just go alone. And then smuggle them into my bedroom. Lol.