Showing posts with label women rule. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women rule. Show all posts

If I Ruled the World


If I ruled the world there would be some major changes. Seriously. I’ve been on this earth for over 30 years and have noticed some things that need tweaking. If I had my way, I would correct these issues post haste.
#1. I would replace every male running anything more complex than a dog track with a woman. We are natural problem solvers and superior thinkers biologically. It is always that pesky XY chromosome combination which ruins a perfectly good zygote.
#2. All people who want it will be provided with a college education. Those who have no interest in college would go to a trade school. Those who don’t want to do either will be sent to alternative employment facilities.
#3. Health care would be affordable. Medications would be accessable by everyone. I fully believe the Canadians and Europeans are onto something. Healthy people are happier people.
#4. Speaking of happier people.. Psycotropic drugs would be pumped into the municipal water system. Most people are a pill away from being tolerable. They just don’t know it.
#5. I would have adult water fountains that dispensed liquor. Some days you just need that handy cocktail pick up to get through the rest of the day, unfortunately booze aren’t readably available everywhere. So. Yeah. Boozy water fountains. It would make for more enjoyable working conditions.
#6. At work, you would be able to vote the office asshole right out of a job. If there is someone who the majority of people do not get along with, then the just have to go. They ruin the vibe and flow of the office. Yep. If you are an insufferable ass, you get voted out of the office.Doesn't matter if they are an employee, boss, supervisor, or owner.. Act a fool get the boot.
#7. Pre marital counseling would be mandatory before you can get legally married. Sort of like taking drivers Ed. You have to take a certain number of classes to get a marriage license. By the same token, marital counseling would be readily available and free. If it still doesn’t work out, you can get divorced like Muslims by saying “I divorce thee” three times and it is legally over. No use in tying up the court system if we do not need to.
#8. People would have access to better food. Fast food, which is the worst for you, is extremely affordable. It is fast, cheap, and deadly. I would make whole foods more easily available and cheaper so that everyone can partake in good nutrition.
#9. Everyone will be able to slap 1 person per week. Doesn’t matter who it is. Once a week people can slap whomever they want without repercussions.
#10. Every book in the Twilight series and movie would be publically burned in a pyre like the Salem Witches. They just have to go, as they are a scourge on society.
#11. People would be free to explore their sexuality (as long as it doesn’t include children or animals) without the judgmental eye of society. People really need to be less uptight about sex.  Men who fail to give women orgasms will be forced to take a sex Ed class until they learn their stuff. Women who give bad head will also take a blowing class taught by a homosexual.  Pornography would not be stigmatized or illegal (unless once again said children or animals are included) I would legalize prostitution as they provide a necessary service. It is my firm opinion if we take sex workers out of the shadows we would cut down on violence against women as well as the high murder rates of sex workers. Let them make an honest’s day pay on their backs if they so choose. It of course would be regulated, taxed, and the workers would be tested and taught to follow safe sex practices.
#12. I would stop Hollywood from making movies that subjugate women. We have it hard enough without all sort of negative stereotypes and subliminal messages realigning supreme in the media. Let women enjoy being women. Stop making us feel bad about our natural selves because we do not look like airbrushed photo shopped models or superstars who have glamazon teams who put them together.  Women have wrinkles, pooches, bat wing arms, chunky thighs, cellulite, thick ankles, OR they can be flat chested, clavicle bearing, pinched faced, thin lipped, large nose having, varicose veined.. It doesn’t matter.. All types of women are lovely so stop going to plastic surgeons trying to achieve dominant culture’s ideals of beauty because they are bullshit. Love yourself with the same patience and adoration as your mother loves you.  Stop persuading the culture of women being dominated by men and negative cultural morays. I would change little girl’s internal dialogues where they would worry less bout their looks or weight and worry more about school and achievement. Also more money would be spent on girl’s sports. It shouldn’t take a back seat to boy’s sports, as we all know there is no bigger asshole than a former high school/ college athlete. They ride that train right into their graves bragging about their FORMER glory. Give it a rest! Men are keeping us busy with superficial things so that we won’t have the energy to notice their shortcomings or how jackassy they are.
#15. Everyone will have good table manners and learn basic etiquette. There is nothing worse than dining with someone who cannot use his or her knife and fork properly. Chewing with their mouth open or a host of other disgusting habits. Good manners are a way of showing respect for your fellow human being. Please and thank you go a long way. Holding doors open for people, the random smile. These small tweaks make pleasant days rather than ones where thunderclouds follow you around.
#16. I would tackle poverty. No child should go without a high quality education or a meal. There should not be generations of families living under the poverty line. I would end the culture of poverty.
#17. When people are having a bad day the happiness squad would show up with martinis, cupcakes, and new shoes. For men they would show up with a Fluffier.
#18. More emphasis would be placed on the arts and theater. There is so much beauty in the world and yet people aren’t exposed to it. To be well rounded people need to be exposed to art, culture, and theater..

Yep.. These are the things I personally find important. World peace would be achieved buy replacing men with women so I would have plenty of time beautifying the world with my ideas for mental and physical wellness, happiness, and harmony. So says the Oracle.
FIN

4:43 PM | Category: , , | 1 comments

Women are the new men and men are the new babies
My bestie Anne and I talk all the time. Constantly. We talk on the phone, text, twitter, facebook, yahoo im, g chat... smoke signals.. psychic messages.. We literally are in contact with each other all day long and most of the night. Our conversations range from the deadly serious to the deliriously insane. However, one theme seems to have come up more frequently over the years. The concept that Women are the new men and men are the new babies.








Perhaps this sounds radical, but if you are a Woman and have been or currently are married, you know exactly what we are bitching about. When did men stop being men and start being children? My Dad was a man. He did manly things. This did not by any means negate being solicitous to my Mom in any way shape or form. However, he was not a little bitch. I an not sure if it is my personal luck or just karma, but I am running into a lot of guys that are little bitches. At first I considered the source, perhaps I was attracting them to be because I am so capable. Men can go on auto-pilot and enjoy the ride while I bust my ass. Then I starting talking to OTHER Women! They all had similar if not the exact same story. Being the consummate psychologist, I started compiling these stories to form a hypothesis. Men are babies. Not all men. Just ones in a certain age bracket.


It is my belief their mothers mollycoddled them into being completely useless lumps of flesh who are accustomed to women doing every thing for them. They have a high sense of reward and low motivation. They believe the smallest achievement made deserves celebration. Like.. Breathing.. This culture of overindulgence of little boy/men has made them soft as hell. DISGUSTING! Somehow society has become accepting of men/babies who are Sally Candypants. The backlash is Women have even MORE responsibility.


Women are the new men but definitely not being compensated for it. There are more of us obtaining college degrees, yet for some ridiculous reason we still make 30% less than men. We perform the same tasks more than likely waaaaaay more efficiently than men but make less than they do. Oddly enough men's brains are 15% larger than ours however, they do not use them to the best of their ability. We are able to use both hemispheres of our brain simultaneously during thought processes. In contrast, men can only use one hemisphere at a time on average. Verbally and memory wise we totally slay men. But I can't tell you how many times men have tried to spingali me into believing I forgot something or I didn't remember it correctly. Uh. Yeah I did asshole.


Women can go to school, work full tine, come home and start "second shift" while men are lazing on the couch doing absolutely nothing useful. (playing video games or watching Sports Center) WHY? because they are "tiiiiiiiiirrrrrreeeeedd". Whatever! We are tired too! But as a Woman we do not have the OPTION of being tired. We do not have the OPTION of lying around when there are tasks to be done. Women dig deep and get it done, while looking fabulous. Somehow a generation of men have been brainwashed into believing Women should do everything for them. This is complete BULLSHIT! Feminism doesn't negate the role of a man. Nor does it give them an excuse to be slouches. Just because we CAN do everything doesn't mean we don't want HELP. Yes, Women have babies, but we do not need a man/baby to raise as well as the ones we are biologically responsible for. Man up! Sheesh! Or should I say WOMAN up?
12:12 PM | Category: , , | 2 comments