There are so many things going on in my life right now. The harder I try to make sense of them or control the outcomes the more things careen out of my control. This totally sucks, as I am a serious control freak. It totally sucks. I should use my six dollar vocabulary but honestly no word explains how things are going for me besides the word “sucks” or any durative of the word suck. Like sucktastic, suckariffic, suckaroo, suckassdom… I could go on and on. 

I am specifically pissed off  because I do not have health insurance anymore. This week it was ripped from underneath my smug high heels.  These days it is a liability to NOT have health insurance. Things happen. People get sick. People need medicine. One minor illness and I could be in financial ruin. A major illness and I would just kill myself as I could never ever pay a hospital bill upwards of $80,000 or more.

Through no fault of my own I have now fallen into the category of the millions of people without health insurance.  I am panicking. It has been years since I haven’t had health insurance. I remember the times when I would medicate with large doses of NyQuil followed by Jack Daniels chasers. Or when I had a toothache I would take BC powder mixed with Coke (the soda clowns the soda) to make the pain go away. It is my belief that all of this Oracle sideways doctoring has altered my body. Case and point  I now have the weakest stomach on the face of the earth. I can’t even think about ordinary things without gagging to the point of throwing up (the idea of meatloaf is a common culprit of intense gagging). Forget watching an episode of CSI. That is totally out. 

I am a working adult. I have what some people consider a professional career. I am the proud owner of several advanced degrees and about to add PHD to the alphabet soup behind my name. I take care of children society doesn’t want around. Pretty self-sacrificing no? A altruistic member of society. Shouldn't I be rewarded for the self sacrificing route I took? I am doing a job not many people want to do.  Yet. I don’t have health coverage. Getting hurt at my job is a very real concern. Staff gets hurt here all of the time.  Not little injuries either. Nurses have been punched so hard by clients they have passed out and suffered irreparable damage. Other staff have hurt their backs, had their arms broken, broken noses, concussions galore, torn ACLs, bitten to the point of needing stitches, scratched, spit on by clients with HIV, bruised. The list goes on and on.  Sometimes we look like the extra cast for the movie Braveheart. I am petrified something is going to happen to me and workmen’s comp is only going to go so far and I will be left in the wind barely mended with Band-Aids and a hope. 

I am so sick of the health care debate. Why in the HELL would Americans NOT want all of us to be covered by a health care plan? I am not an irresponsible person. I pay all of my taxes. I am a homeowner. I have never been on public assistance. I have always worked sometimes even two jobs. I have paid my dues. Why cannot I be covered? Please don’t get me started on preexisting conditions either. I never ever tell my doctors about any of my allergies or asthma when they make me fill out s questioners. I DEFINITELY do not mention several of my family members have died of cancer. Cancer is the kiss of death for disqualification under preexisting conditions.
I know living without health insurance is very temporary. However, no one schedules sickness or accidents. If people could be sick when it was convenient I am sure we would never schedule sickness. This predicament makes me feel fragile. Delicate. Human. Helpless. So. For the next 6 months I am going to be as healthy as possible. I am going to tip toe around the more dangerous clients. I doubt I will run to a code green (bad news) or a code 99 (basically a riot. Quite dangerous indeed). This affects my job. I don’t have the back of my coworkers like I should if I was confident I would be taken care of. Hell. My new cautiousness  could cause one of them to get seriously hurt. This sucks. It totally sucks. I don’t have health insurance so I can’t really perform my job to the same ability I used to when I did have coverage. This is a circular concept considering I am taking care of children society doesn’t want to or can’t deal with. They are here hurting US rather than in society hurting YOU. Once I get hurt I am going to be left without a way to properly repair the damage. What a lovely thank you for a job well done.

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