Not too long ago I made a public declaration that I was going to wage war against fat. Since then I have had some really crazy moments. One of which was to scrap all of my current friends, replace them with heavier ones so that I could call off this whole weight loss foolishness and hang out eating blueberry pancakes and chicken fried steak. Buttttt. I thought better of it and trudged on. SO. Let’s wrap up the last week shall we?

For some stupid ass reason decided to take a Spin class. I heard all sorts of things about it, which I sorta ignored and focused on “You can lose a lot of weight doing this class”. So. What did I do? Spin class. Let’s just say.. The class is ROUGH. At first I was thinking, “hey this is easy peasie”, but as the class progressed my eyes stayed less on the teacher and MORE on the clock conducting a countdown till the conclusion of this torture. 45 minutes of thunderous music and a man screeching to stand up sit down; crank up the resistance, yadda yadda yadda… I drank an entire liter of water BEFORE the class was over. I knew I was going to suffer immediately after I dismounted (fell off) the bike and hobbled/ drug myself to the car. Needless to say I was immediately on the phone bitching to Anne that I suffered Death by Spin Class. What’s worse.. I was hurting in places I would rather not hurt. I expected for my legs to get a good workout which they did, however my inner thighs and ass hurt so bad I slept on my stomach for 2 days. I skipped the gym the next day.

With ass and inner thighs feeling somewhat better yet not totally healed, I got the idea to try.. YOGA. In my mind I thought I would stretch a little, meditate, and have a low impact good time. Oh ho ho how wrong I was! The teacher decided to teach a more advanced class than she usually does. Which baffled me considering 5 people in the class (including me) told her this was our first class in years. We spend 45 minutes contorting our bodies into shapes it was not constructed for. Under regular circumstances, I have amazing balance and grace. In this class I was a clumsy Shrek-like oaf.  Stumbling all over the place. Trying to replicate some semblance of what the teacher was doing.  I felt like a big fat yoga failure. Strangely enough, I received the same results Spin gave me. An extremely sore body which every step was amazingly painful for 2 days after the class.  But at least this time I didn’t have to sleep on my stomach.

After a day off from the gym again, I estimated Zumba class would be fun. The yoga  (torture) teacher recommended it and once again I zeroed in on the magic phrase “you can loose a lot of weight doing this class”. So a Zumba I will go.. The class was PACKED.. Good part nobody was watching you dance too closely. Bad part, you couldn’t see the teacher who was this adorable Latina who spoke no English. The entire class people were bumping into each other trying to see the instructor and grasp the steps. The class was fast paced and fun. Luckily growing up in Latin America I am very comfortable with not only the music but the steps are second nature to me. Hell.. I shake my ass all over my house for the fun of it. One of my classmates told me this particular teacher isn’t good and to come back when the better teachers are instructing the class. Fine with me. I like this. Now I remember why I was so thin during my 20’s. I was dancing damn near every night for hours and living off of cheap vodka drinks. But hey.. I had a rockin body.

And in diet news… Nothing good to report. Exactly.. NOTHING GOOD. I have stuck to the memorandum of no fried foods and sugar. Blah blah boring . I have noticed once I cut back on the processed foods and started taking vitamins I am feeling better. Then again it could just be junk science. Correlation does not equal causation.

Annnd then my psycho moment of the week. I have started to notice my muscles are toning up and my face is looking smaller. Sadly my core Is still all.. yucky.. So yucky in fact I just KNEW I was pregnant. Rationally I know I am not. First rule of getting pregnant is you actually have to have sex. But I digress. I was so freaked out about Immaculate Conception, that I took pictures of myself and sent them to my friend who is actually a titch crazier than I am. Once she talked me off the ledge, I decided to start doing the lemon, syrup, pepper cleanse. Sooo.. I will update on that next week. So there you go. If you thought I was nutty before.. You now have no doubt now. 

FIN