Soo. I sota walked away from my blog for a while. It became apparent my security measures were all for naught. I am 100% certain the main person I don’t want my innermost thoughts to be revealed to, has been reading my blog. This is not only troubling, but also indicative of why our relationship never worked. He never allowed me to have anything for myself. Nothing happened without the watchful eye of G hovering over it.  His essence permeated every aspect of my life, and the next thing I knew I was some hybrid version of myself. To be separated a zillion light years away from my essence was not only depressing but a disparaging experience. I never ever want that to happen again.


Being with him was as if someone removed all the air out of the room. I was like a goldfish out of the bowl, gasping in the throws of imminent death. When we were together I was in the darkest place I’ve ever encountered and I have no need to revisit it. I believe he was using information gathered from my blog against me.

With that in mind, the blog was coming down. Then it hit me. I can’t always run away from him. My coping mechanisms of the past are not going to be utilized in the future which I create for myself.  So. The blog says. I refuse to censor myself. I do know anything I say can and will be used against me… If I let him use it against me… Which I won’t. With that said.. On with the show…

Comments (1)

On March 23, 2010 at 4:22 PM , Maija said...

Because I work in the field of domestic violence your post really concerned me. There are some serious control issues (exhibited by G) you raised here. I wonder how your entertaining musings could be "used against" you? I am so glad you are continuing on: no one can take your power away unless you give them permission. You are a smart and strong woman and you need to keep sharing your gift!