Everywhere I look the big cooperate machine is gearing up for Valentine's Day. Red and pink everything everywhere. I can't even check my e-mail without being bombarded with advertisements for chocolate, flowers, and jewelry. Instead of a feeling of joy and excitement for the 14th of February, mixed emotions are careening in my psyche. Number one, since I've been married I have NEVER EVER had a good Valentine's Day. It turned into a day of such great disappointment that I would tense up February 1st and run though the month with my emotions in deep freeze covered by armor of ridicule for the holiday. The truth is. I love Valentine's Day. For years and years pre-marriage, I totally enjoyed the holiday. Being married to a person who doesn't get it, well... Slowly but surely ruined it for me.

The wonderful Valentine's Days of the past are such a distant memory I am starting to believe they were movies which I internalized. Surely nothing romantic and over the top ever ever happened to me. Surely NOT! Another byproduct of the illfated nuptials is I do NOT believe in romance at all. I just do not think it exists. When confronted with real life examples of it I have violent temper tantrums fueled by unbridled jealously. I paid my dues putting the needs of another many many light years before mine, and for that... I got.. NOTHING..  So.. Here we are. T-minus 13 days till the day of doom. A day I am reminded I kept putting coins in the cosmic slot machine of love and romance. All to no avail. There will be no fancy romantic dinner, exquisite box of chocolate, enormous bouquet of Black Magic Roses, diamonds twinkling at me from a velvet box.. No.. Nope.. None of that.  I DO however have a puppy who loves me beyond belief, so perhaps true love is a great trade off for material things. Too bad I am a tad materialistic.

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