Coke is the debil.. Or devil, Azaael, Beelzebub, Old Scratch, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Iblis, Shaitan, whatever you give a name for great EVIL.. That is what Coke is! Coke is my Sugar Devil. I LOOOOOOOVE Coke. Every Monday I start the week off declaring I am not going to drink one singe Coke the entire week. Every Monday afternoon I have consumed at least one Coke. To me.. Coke is like a bad boyfriend or a case of the Herp. I can’t get rid of it no matter how hard I try! I just need it. Like no.. I NEED COKE. If I don’t have it, I start getting cranky. This foul mood will escalate until I have re-upped my Coke intake. Then the world is instantly fine. Until I get my Coke, I am HELL IN HEELS! I have done my very best to break the Coke habit but to no avail. And I mean I have tried EVERYTHING. I even promised myself IF I made it through one week without a Coke, I would buy that Gucci watch I’ve been eyeing. Alas.. The watch is STILL in the store. I just can’t turn my back on Coke. It goes with EVERYTHING and it is EVERYWHERE. Examples.. JACK and COKE.. Delightful.. Coke and ice cream equals a Coke float.. Stupendous. Long Island Iced Tea minus the Gin.. Legendary! I sipped Coke all throughout Italy this summer looking like an International Lover.. Of Coke that is. So.. There is really no running away from Coke as it is a Visa card.. Everywhere I want to be. Oh well. I give up. I am going to STOP deluding myself into thinking I can kick my Coke habit. It would be more feasible for me to find the Holy Grail or get conservatives to stop trashing Obama. Instead I will just sip the epervesent charming drink that currently resides to the right of my computer. Ah bliss! There is very few great joys as the first sip of a Coke..Spiked with enough JD to make me think giving up Coke is foolish. Here’s to you sugary soda which rots out millions of teeth annually and gives Americans fat sugar belly guts! I love you so! Even if you are bad for me.
Why the absentminded oracle? I have an uncanny ability to predict the future. The problem is after I say something I forget I said it. So, these gem predictions only help people clever enough to pay attention when I am talkative. These predictions range from winning lottery numbers to the death of a person. They are all over the board. The monkey paw of this is, once again, I don't recall saying ANYTHING until someone reminds me what I said. Then, a mixture of creeped-out and pride overtake me.