There are so few perfect relationships between men and women. Some are down right catastrophic, others are tolerable, and those rare ones have a beneficial symbiosis. Luckily, in the past I have had the fortune to have several near perfect relationships with different people. The type where each person knew where the other stood. Neither party encroached their agendas or ideals on the other. The type of relationship which was so darn easy it was like breathing. Those types of relationships are about as easy to find as the Holy Grail. I miss the simplicity of those affairs.
Today I heard the song In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel and was immediately transported back to my time with Vandersande. We had the easiest relationship ever. Vandersande came from old old money and had aristocratic manners to match. He was charming, intelligent, and had an amazing body to match. On paper Vandersande was quite a catch. But… In reality not everyone got him. His quirky ways were born out of generations and generations of wealthy people with too much money and time on their hands. To many Vandersande was just plain weird as hell. To me.. He was bewitching.
As all tragic children of extreme wealth he sort of floated through life with little to no direction. Living each day without the worry of what is around the corner. Free from the irritants of career, bills, retirement, and all those other irksome details the rest of us wrestle with. Vandersande was just a capricious spirit. Gentle, kind, generous to a fault. We got along well. He would come over to the apartment with bottles and bottles of wine and flowers not only for me but my roommate as well. Girfts from him were always unexpected and luxurious. Things you would never think to purchase for yourself, however you lust after them in store front windows. Vandersande spoiled it in many ways for every man behind him.
Times with him were like lazy Sunday mornings. Easy and free. We would drink wine and go skinny dipping at the beach which was in walking distance from his house. Other times we would go out for extravagant dinners and then have wild encounters on the way home. He was so intelligent it would put most people ill at ease. It intrigued me. I have always been attracted to very smart men. In many ways Vandersande was the perfect man for me but.. like a Shakespearian tragedy all this wonderful had ruinous flaws. Number one. He was from old money which completely frowned on interracial relationships. I never attended fetes in Richmond with him surrounded by people whose ancestors more than likely owned mine. Hell.. He wouldn’t have been accepted in my societal circles either. I could never bring him to a Jack & Jill function due to his lack of a Master’s or PHD. If you are not a mover and a shaker, you are an outcast where I am from. Family money can get you only so far. The commodity we trade on is education. The more you have, the higher your standing with us. Second and most importantly, Vandersande had a drug habit that could only be supported by someone who is independently wealthy. In front of me he only smoked pot and occasionally did pills. But the stories I used to hear about him doing coke with his parents troubled me. I can barely drink wine in front of mine, and I monitor how many glasses I consume under my Mom’s watchful eye.
I miss Vandersande. I miss the way I felt around him. Like everything was ok and nothing mattered. His carefree attitude about life was infectious. I consumed it greedily and was always ravenous for more. He saw things so very uniquely, that I was intoxicated by him. I really don’t know why we stopped seeing each other. We just sort of drifted apart. No massive blow up or fight. In fact we never even argued. We just were. He accepted me in all of my scorpio passion and crazy and I in turn granted him reprieve from my judgmental pushy tendencies. I never tried to motivate him to get his act together. Not once did I give him flack about his drug habit. I just enjoyed spending evenings at the beach with my toes in the sand listening to his ideas on string theory, drinking wine, watching the ocean in all of its magnificent glory. Yes.. I miss Vandersande. He is exactly what I need right now. A respite from my life filled with mundane things like work, stress, and responsibility. Plus he always had the best stash of “relaxers”.