It is July 28th, 2008 and I am hot as hell. This has to be one of the worst most hellaciously oppressively hot summers of my lifetime. Houston has reached temperatures of over 100 degrees more times than I can count. I have even heard speculation next month might be even hotter. I have lived many many many places in the world, but never ever ever have I lived anyplace as hot as Texas. South America, Africa, and Southeast Asia can step down. Houston holds the crown as the hottest place on earth. I believe if I sat on the surface of the sun, I would be 10 degrees cooler. Houston is a hell Dante can’t even fathom.

Unfortunately, I am not built for the heat. It makes me mean and cranky. Considering I am cantankerous under ideal circumstances, you can just imagine how the weather has affected my personality. I am a loaded gun waiting for a target. There have been numerous Dirty Harry moments, where I was waiting for someone to make my day. Then when people didn’t rise to the occasion, I was sorely disappointed. I even caught myself singing the lyrics to Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit.

I am getting so aggressive I am forgetting one major flaw in my bullying plan. I do NOT know how to fight. I have never been in a fight. If someone fought me, I would need to be scraped off the sidewalk. So perhaps instead of walking around like Betty Bad Ass, I should get drinks from Sonic and lace them with vodka. I will enact the plan tomorrow and see how it goes. However, I might just change my theme song to Break Stuff until the weather subsides.