Have you ever had those weeks where you are just damn tired. Like there is soo much to do, you can't catch a breath? Running solely on adrenaline and then drop dead at the end of the day to only get up and do it again and again and again. Well. A week like that has turned into over a month for me. I feel like I am stuck in Ground hog's Day of responsibility. I have to do so much junk in so many different arenas and they don't overlap which dismisses any time saving methods I could possible enact. I don't know when I turned into a superhero, but I would like to be a mere mortal again. Living up to other's expectations is just starting to make me feel like Atlas but in heels. He was barefoot which is not a look for me. I think I can blame dominant society. They have infiltrated my psyche and programed me to think I have to be everything to everyone all of the time. That I cannot show weakness and that I must always have the acceptable personality on. I spend quite a bit of my time on twitter as a way for my mind to reset so that I can reload for the next set of tasks. I have some great things coming towards me at warp speed but to be ready to receive them I have to lay innumerable plans. Sometimes I think my life is like the Rats of Nimh. Starring me as Mrs. Brisby. I have to move a whole fortress to a safe place, easy enough in concept, but in actualization.. Not so simple. Plus I have a cast of characters secretly or not so secretly working against me. Will the hero prevail? Will the movie have a happy ending? I believe so. I am one of those people who have an internal locus of control. My life is not in the hands of others or fate. It is my responsibility and if I want to reap the bounty, then I must do the work in order to receive it. The Rats on Nimh had a happy ending. There was some collateral damage, but the ending was all sunshiney non the less. Nothing really truly bad every happens to me. Maybe that is why I have so much confidence. I can leap tall buildings in a single bound with not a hair out of place. Ok. Putting big girl panties on. I can do this! I would say wish me luck, but I don't need it.
12:10 PM | Category: | 0 comments