Every morning when I come home Frasier is always ecstatic to see me. He jumps, yelps and practically buzzes with unbridled joy at the sight of my work weary carcass. (Well not that work weary, as I don’t dig ditches or perform manual labor) It always makes me giggle a little how delighted he is just to have his Mommy home. To him my return never gets old. Eating the same thing twice a day, day in and day out doesn’t seem to wear on his nerves either.
I started thinking.. What does this puppy really care about? The things that compile his list are very simplistic. Number one. He cares about me. But then again? Who wouldn’t? I’m frickin wonderful. Second. He cares about using the restroom outside as when he does it INSIDE he gets a face full of bitter apple spray, a spanking, and a one way ticket to his crate. All things undesirable in his estimation. Third. He cares about the delivery of his breakfast, snack, and dinner. Also proper hydration is imperative to Frasier. Lastly he cares about playing preferably with yours truly Wonderful Oracle, in a pinch other dogs will do. So basically Frasier only cares about his basic needs.
In contrast, he DOESN’T care about all the silly shit that I seem to constantly obsess about. Frasier doesn’t care about my weight. Whether I am a size 6 (wonderful) or a size 12 (not as wonderful) he doesn’t give a damn. He also doesn’t care that no matter how much I exercise or do crunches I have a poochy belly. Frasier doesn’t care if I am not wearing make up or my hair isn’t brushed and styled to perfection. In fact he likes my hair loose and wild so he can paw at it while I am trying to take a nap. Frasier doesn’t care about my job at all. No matter how tired I am, or if clients have gotten on my nerves all night he could care less. Frasier doesn’t care if the house is a mess and there is laundry piled up as high as skyscrapers in New York City. Actually he aids in the destruction of the house as soon as his toys are put away he drags them right out of the toy box and places them exactly where he believes they belong. Nope. Frasier doesn’t have OCD high cleanliness standards pertaining to our shared habitat.
Another thing he doesn’t care about.. My car. He doesn’t judge me if the car is not washed and shining like a black pearl. As long as we can jump in it and go places he is perfectly content. Frasier doesn’t care that I have become a recluse. Actually he seems to like it as I am spending all of my free time being his entertainment. My lack of a sex life is just fine with him. Another thing that has never crossed his mind is the fact I will inevitably need to get braces AGAIN. Due to the lack of wearing my retainers my teeth aren’t movie star perfect anymore. Puppykins doesn’t even notice what my teeth look like. He also doesn’t have a concept of “bad food”. Fried chicken, pizza, ice cream, cupcakes, greasy Chinese food, French fries… To him all food is good food till he ate a big chunk of one of my hairpieces and threw it up. He doesn’t care that I haven’t finished my PHD or that I am divorced. Nope. Doesn’t faze him at all. The copious amounts of television I watch or how I voraciously read is of no concern to Frasier. To him it is snuggle up with Mommy time and snore so loudly she has to turn the sound up.
So I find myself thinking.. If Frasier doesn’t give a damn about these things, why the hell should I? He might be on to something.
He does care about getting a bath. Unfortunately, Momma doesn't like for Puppykins to smell like taco corn chips in the sun, so he will be getting one of those.