You just can’t beat certain things. Like.. A good lover.. A good meal.. And a good hairdresser. Seriously…
After much deliberation I decided to cut my hair off. Like.. Snip snippity snip snip. I have been wearing it long for ages. Centuries actually. It was sort of my security blanket. When I wasn’t feeling attractive (during my marriage it was often. Like every damn day) I would always take comfort in how beautiful my hair was. I too pride in my Rapunzel like locks. I hadn’t had a major haircut in about 7 years. Ends trimmed yes. Inches cut off. No way. My hair grew looonnnnggg.
Now. I have been overhauling my life over the past year. Still not finished. However, last year when I mentioned I was going to cut my hair off, it was met with such vehement negativity that I changed my mind. I even had a dear dear friend who prayed to God.. GOD that I wouldn’t cut my hair. Can you believe? God is busy tending to people in jail. He could care less about my damn hair. The prayer must have worked because the long 12-inch locks stayed firmly on my head for another year.
2010. It is a Native American tradition (don’t ask me which tribe as I do not remember) that when a woman wants to divorce her husband she cuts her hair. That is his cue to take his moccasins to another teepee. I even think some Rasta ideology, which subscribes to negativity being carried around in hair. So. This year I wasn’t going to be dissuaded. I was going to cut all the negativity right out of my life and out of my hair. I poured over pictures for weeks trying to figure out the best shot cut for my face. Once I finally decided on one, I made the appointment with a hairdresser whom came with extremely high recommendations.
I am a stickler for being on time. If I am 10 minutes early to me that is late. I am just a stress kitten like that. You can always count on me to be on time.. I arrived 30 minutes early for my appointment. The shop was pleasant enough and the two ladies getting their hair done seemed friendly enough. Actually the place seemed less like a place of business and more like a hang out for girlfriends. I was swayed by this laze fare atmosphere and settled in with a stack of magazines until it was my turn to be attended to. I noticed the beautician was working on 2 women at one time. She seemed to have this delicate balance of who was in the chair and who was under the dryer perfected. I felt as if this will be a speedy appointment, as the beautician seemed efficient. OH BOY WAS I WRONG.
My appointment time came.. and went.. Still no turn in the chair. Finally when I as up to bat we discussed the haircut I wanted. I was informed my hair was too damaged to obtain the cut I wanted. Sooo.. Ok.. Then I was hit with a blitzkrieg of questions about my diet and lifestyle. Um Lady.. I just want a haircut. It was deducted that my lack of proper diet and exercise was the reason for the poor condition of my hair. Also the hair products I used were substandard. Oh and the kicker.. I needed to take vitamins. All of this medical advice came from.. A hairdresser.
Granted she has a point. I could eat better.. Damn near everyone I know could eat better. But shit. We are busy. And yeah.. I could exercise more. Oddly enough, I have kicked up my exercise routine and decreased my naps. I can only squeeze in first nap and second nap.. I never get to third or fourth nap anymore. But I digress… So yeah.. I am getting all of this holistic advice INSTEAD of speedy service. I will break down the sequence of events for you.
1.     Arrived at 4:30 for a 5:00 appointment
2.     Finally made my way to the chair at 5:20, after a brief consult was told the cut I wanted was impossible because my hair is baby fine. (Oddly enough I had the same cut back when I was in my 20’s)
3.     Was given a relaxer Took about 15 minutes. Following the treatment, I was taken to the sink to be rinsed out. Given some sort of conditioner and was told to sit under the dryer for 15 minutes.
4.     15 minutes turned into about 30. After the dryer stopped, I waited patiently while the stylist washed one client and put her under another dryer and another was retrieved from the dryer styled and combed.
5.     Taken back to the sink to be washed out. Shampooed again.
6.     Taken to the chair and was talked out of the original haircut I wanted. Instead she cut my hair into some soccer mom bob and said I needed to take hair vitamins for 3 months (which she sells) in order to get my hair thick enough for the desired cut. The cut took less than 10 minutes. I’ve spent more time putting on eyeliner than she did on my haircut. My hair was then sprayed with hairspray within every inch of its pitifully thin existence, rolled on rollers, and yet again placed under the dryer.
7.     Sat under the dryer long enough to finish a 5-page blog, sort through pictures, tweet so much my phone died, and read a STACK of magazines. During this time SHE started on 3 BRAND NEW CLIENTS!!
8.     I had lost track of time as the clock in her shop had stopped. I think the clock was purely decorative, as it did not keep time. I checked my watch and almost cried when I realized it was 8:00.. Bye bye pre-nut hut nap.
9.     I was brought back to the chair where she proceeded to scold me some more on the condition of my hair. Then given MORE advice about diet and exercise. I was also informed that I have to put my health first as it shows in my hair how unhealthy I am. It was strongly suggested to make changes in my lifestyle as my unhealthy ways are catching up to me. Lovely. A few more measly snips of the scissors and a few halfhearted bumps of the curling iron and I was done. She turned the chair towards the mirror with a flourish!
Needless to say, when I saw my hair I was HORRIFIED.  I agreed to let her modify the cut I wanted to compensate for my malnourished hair but I had no idea in the matter of a few hours, she took a vixen and changed her into a dumpy frumpy unattractive person who is in desperate need of anti-depressants. I wanted to cry. The “cut” is some sort of ugly bob. I wanted my hair in a pixie cut. This is NOTHING like the cut I desired. It isn’t even short. It is in that halfway stage where people are growing out their hair from one style to another. My hair looks confused. It wants to be short but it is long.. Or it wants to be long but it is short.. IT is just wrong.. SOO VERY WRONG. I was so disgusted it registered on my face. This did not diminish her pride in the monstrosity she produced on my head. The advice about shampoos and hair products continued as I stared at this Mom Jeans Fat Face in the mirror. I thought the night couldn’t get ANY worse. I not only spent most of my evening in this salon, was scolded about not taking proper care of my health as well as my hair, received a haircut I absolutely loathe…. BUT.. Along comes the bill. $90! I was floored! I have never ever in my life paid $90 for a relaxer and haircut.. NEVER.. The most I have ever spent was $60 and even I was salty about that! All I could think about was I could have skipped this haircut completely and saved he $100 to put towards this Gucci purse I have been lusting after. I would have so much more satisfaction out of it than this “haircut”. I handed her 5 $20 and hit the door. Usually I tip better than a measly 10% but I was just so pissed and annoyed I just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge.
Finding a good hairdresser you can trust is difficult. In my 3 decades on this earth, I have only had 3 hairdressers that I can totally trust. Luckily, the lady I have been going to since I moved to Houston is one of them. As soon as I got home, I went online and bought hair weave. As soon as my hair recovers from the trauma that was inflicted upon it, I am going BACK to my trusty Sonja and getting her to sew in some serious Rapunzel locks. I have no business looking like a chocolate Quaker oats Barbara Bush wannabe. I can’t wait to bring sexy back.

Comments (2)

On June 3, 2010 at 2:04 PM , Michelle said...

Your sexy is in you it IS you! it is not in your hair... yes your hair might be sexy too... but a sexy person is sexy with or without hair.. they either have it going on.. or they don't... and you got it girl! Your attitude Screams Sexy!

On June 23, 2010 at 6:31 AM , Anonymous said...

This isn't about the "inner you", Michelle. It's about why it's impossible to find a decent hairdresser who gives you want you want and doesn't make you feel crappy about your hair.

I don't know why everyone has this problem. I have almost never had a haircut I was happy with. I have wavy/curly hair that hairdressers seem completely unable to cut ina hip and attractive manner. I mean, what is so unique about curly hair?? What's more, they always say "Oh, I have curly hair too." Right. And they are always experts on cutting it! Not.

Oracle, your story is so wittily written, I was laughing even while cringing, because so many of the things you describe have happened to me (not nutritional advice, tho, WTF?). It's a mystery to me why women, who are supposed to be such good communicators, are such terrible hairstylists. Last week I went to a new, highly recommended place for a medium shag and ended up with a soccer mom bob (so artfully styled at the salon that it didn't reveal its true hideous shape till I washed it, natch).

$76. I give up. I'm glad you have a hairdresser you can go to for a fix!! - SPH