Wow. Today I received some news that has me reeling. I am not really going to blog about it. But I am numb and scared.

Life is so fragile and one thing can permanently shatter the gossamer bond between what we believe to be true and what is reality. I want to cry. Cry for everything and everyone. Cry for every injustice, every victim, winners, losers, cry for the frailty of life, cry for the permanence of death...

I have a splitting headache. It only makes sense to retreat to a deep slumber and hopefully this nightmare will go away by the time I wake up. My life is a horror movie under normal circumstances. Now it has gotten even scarier. A nightmare encased within a bad dream. I'm every hopeful that I will wake up. Please.. Please let me wake up.

I believe in magic and that if you wish hard enough your wish will be granted.
I believe in the laughter of children and the smiles of little Boston Terrors ooops I mean Terriers.
 I believe in the infinite power of the ocean and being baptized in it as often as possible.
I believe sugar is as close to an angel's kiss as mortals can get.

I believe rainbows have a pot of gold on the other side.
I believe in dancing in the rain.

I believe in singing songs which are written spontaneously in your heart as loud as you possibly can.
I believe we can all be healed, when we are ready.
I believe ice cream is a magic elixir, also Jack Daniels.

I believe God loves us all no matter how awful we are.
I believe all women need one pair of super sexy shoes preferably in red.

I believe in miracles and with each sunrise possibilities are endless.
I believe when you take a nap you can hit the reset button on a crummy day.
I believe a good pedicure is better than going to the gym. 

I believe close friendships save thousands of dollars in therapy.
I believe in the power of the written word and strength leaps from every page read.
I believe the smell of my mother is the most comforting scent in the universe.

I believe the kiss of a lover is more delicious than cotton candy.

I believe sunshine and long walks cure depression.
I believe in the beauty of randomness. 
I believe any problem can be solved with diligence and prayer.

I believe in you.
Now just start believing in yourself.

FIN

Kanye West may have had a point when he wrote Spaceship.

"I've been working this graveshift and I ain't made shit. I wish I could buy me a spaceship and fly past the sky"

It is coming up on my 1 year anniversary at the Nut Hut. It was never my intention to stay so long. Especially when I realized how bullshit the place is. They are not in the business of helping children, they are in the business of making money. There are so many things wrong with the company finding something right would be like looking for the Holy Grail.

I could take this time to list my grievances with the Nut Hut or tell amusing stories about the clients. Or talk about the raise I received which from what I can tell is 5 cents.  I could even scare the pants off of you with ghost stories, some I have been personally involved in and some I have heard tell of. Buuuut.. I won't. Instead I am going to focus on the positive. I have managed to make a change in the lives of a few kids. Show them that someone actually cares and means it. I provided consistency for kids who have only known chaos. So. For that I am grateful.

All of this sunshine rainbow stuff still doesn't negate my frantic job search. It is past time for me to move on. I stress MOVE. So. For all of those who pray. Please pray that I find another job more suitable to the life I am going to lead. And on that note.. Time to take my daily nap. I have to be back on the slave ship at 10:30 tonight.
 

FIN

I used to work with the coolest chick ever. She is fun, bubbly, hilarious,  she worked hard, and knew her stuff. When we were scheduled on the same shift it would be a gab fest of multi- cultural proportions.  See.. My friend isn't American. Honestly, the majority of people I am closest to are NOT Americans. I seem to collect a motley crew of friends I lovingly call my rainbow children. But I digress. My friend is from Pakistan. She moved here with her family abut 10 years ago and retained all of her cultural beliefs and morays. My friend is a devout Muslim. She refuses to eat gummy bears which I am constantly tempting her with  (gummy bears are not halal) and when we would go out for a drinkee lunch she would shyly order a virgin pina coloda. *shiver* My friend has reached the ripe old age of 28 and in her culture she is basically an old maid. She works extremely hard and is devoted to her family. In fact the majority of the money she earns is given freely to her mother in order to support them. She is the sole financial support of her younger brother who is in college and a last minute babysitter for her older sister. She grew up in a culture which puts family first and she is dedicated to them. None of which I can fault her for.

The problem is, how do you exist functionally between two totally different cultures? American culture is vastly different than Pakistani culture. How does she hold on to the traditions which are ingrained in her yet survive in this "modern" society. How does she live in the land of free choice and home of I do what I want and you deal with it? Basically she picks and chooses which customs to adopt. Like. She loves Thanksgiving, jeans (which she still wears modestly), cosmetics, and pizza (go figure). She also enjoys going out with groups of people who are non Muslim. Boy oh boy her family frowns on that. She is damn near forbidden to even go to the movies with an all girls group. When I picked her up once I noticed the tale tale sign of someone peeking out of the window. The same was true when I dropped her off a scant 4 hours later.

None of us knew what she was dealing with at home as she never ever told us. One in a great while when she was under a lot of stress we would see small fissures in her demeanor which she would quickly gloss over. We had no idea of the beatings she received at home, especially since she wore modest clothes and every inch of her was covered by some sort of fabric. At work she didn't wear a veil,  her face was always bruise-less. In her search to find a suitable husband, U (we will call her U) started chatting with men online. When we found out we warned her of the dangers, she smiled and dismissed our concerns. She was confident she knew what she was doing. I thought she was naive as hell. I felt personally responsible to help her navigate American culture as I used to teach a class on cultural sensitivity and anti-biased thinking (I also taught her prize phrases like bitchass and fuck this shit).

Somehow someway she met what I can only hope is a decent man. He is also from Pakistan so one would think he would understand the bind he was putting her in. They were secretly dating for 2 weeks when her family found out and the jig was up. Her family believed she brought dishonor upon their house and they were going to kill her. Americans are horrified by the thought of honor killing. Hell. We can't even stand female circumcision. However, no matter what we think about, honor killing is real. It goes on all over the world and even here in our FRONT yard. Just the killing of a dog gets all kinds of press, however honor killing is a back burner type of issue. We don't like it, but we aren't going to do to much about it except politic and pay it lip service.

Once I was alerted to the severity of the situation I WASN'T going to pay it lip service. I along with other former co workers went into action. There was no way we were going to let our vivacious, loving, devout, friend die over a few dates. Hell.. Over anything. She could have done porn for all I cared. She was not going to die at the hand of her family members. It is every one's American right to embarrass the hell out of their family. Our country was built on that.

I won't go into all the details, but this story has a happy ending of sorts. To prevent her from being killed and to discontinue the waves being made in the Pakistani community, they got married. After knowing each other 3 weeks! Once again we were aghast. I hope this works out for them. The other options we presented to her were unacceptable to her as they would alienate her from her family and her community. So perhaps all is well that ends well. However, some traditions need to stay the hell in the country the immigrant left. America isn't the "melting pot" that people enjoy calling it. We just didn't melt together into some fondue, a perfect blend of all cultures. America is like Stone Soup. Diverse people bring different spices, meats, and vegetables to the pot. Some we accept graciously and some we can do the hell without. Annnd on that note I shall climb off my sparkly pink soapbox.

FIN

Sidenote** Usually I am not concerned about offending people so I hope not to have upset anyone with this post. However,  on many levels I feel very strongly about honor killing and female circumcision.  I want people to understand that I am very sensitive to other people's cultures and do not wish for them to be homogenized into cookie cutter Americans. I think it is a wonderful thing to retain your cultural and religious identity. AS LONG AS it doesn't involve killing someone over honor OR removing women's body parts to keep her pure. That just pisses me the hell off, culture or no culture.

FIN for real this time.

Today the nation remembers one of the most devastating acts of aggression and terrorism directed towards America. I totally remember what I was doing when the planes hit the towers. Sit ups. It was just an ordinary day. I was doing sit ups complaining to myself how my pooch seems to never go completely away. In the next room Anne was sleeping in. Once the events started to unfold, I ran into her room, woke her up, and for the rest of the day we (Anne, Oracle, and Willie the dog) sat on her bed in HORROR. Complete HORROR. We were in Washington DC what seems like hours before this event took place actually TALKING about if terrorists attacked America where would they strike. Eerily this conversation took place as we were passing by the Pentagon. To this day I wonder if somehow. Someway. I picked up on the energy of what was about to happen. I had no concrete idea of how it WOULD happen but down to the exact places I was spot on. Although the ex kept trying to say Texas would be a target (Anne and I tried to explain to him nobody wants Texas but Texans). Then mere hours later Anne and I were safely at home living our normal lives while so many people lost theirs.

What I like to focus on is how for a few weeks, Americans stopped focusing on race. People came together. Neighbors checked on each other. I was so proud to be an American during this time because it was a glimpse of what we COULD be as a nation if we stopped focusing on what divides us and concentrate on what unifies us. We are ALL Americans first. We should stand strong TOGETHER.

It is almost the 10 year mark for September 11th. In those years a lot has changed. Some things have stayed the same. I would like to honor the people who are no longer with us with a list of things we as people who are still here need to focus on. Not social-economical status, or race, or religion.. No. When it all comes down to it, these things are irrelevant.  (some of these ideas are poached)

1. When you lose, don't lose the lesson lest you repeat it again and again until you get it. 
2. Respect yourself, Respect others, Responsibility for all of your actions.
3. Not getting what you want can be actually a good thing. 
4. Don't let a small fissure ruin a great friendship.
5. Talk to your family often no matter how much you think they get on your nerves. Once they are gone, they are gone forever. You can't get time back. 
6. When you make a mistake, instead of complaining, use that energy to correct it. 
7. Spend time alone each day. It helps you clear your thoughts. You can differentiate what you think vs what people around you think.
8. Open your heart to change, yet do not let go of your values. 
9. Silence is sometimes the best answer. 
10. Once a year go someplace you have never gone before. 
11. Memories are priceless, try to increase the good ones and do not let the bad ones rule your thoughts. 
12. The simplest things will bring you the most joy.
13. Listen more than you speak, you will learn a lot that way.
14. Never underestimate the power of a healthy diet, daily exercise, water, adequate rest, sunshine, and the love of people around you. 
15. You don't have to follow all the things on this list. Just most of them cuz I said so! 

FIN

Things I want Thursday.. YES! My cosmic wish list of things I want damnit! Make no mistake I am quite thankful for what I have but, come on.. Everyone has a list no matter how long or short of things they want.  So without further ado! Oracle's Things I WANT Thursday! *cue the dancing girls*

Yadda yadda.. I want world peace and for all children to get a quality education and to not get abused by anyone... now that I have gotten that out of the way let's get to the good stuff. Warning.. I am quite materialistic! *rubs hands together*

 I want Frasier C Puppykins to be perfectly trained, behaved, and a model dog who naps contentiously and rarely barks. 
I want a new job where I make gobs of money and have a great benefits package. Said job should also provide me with a shoe budget and long lunch breaks which I can put on the company card. Also I do not want to work in an environment where all the coworkers are out to get each other AND I have job security.
I want Georgetown Cupcakes. Not just ANY cupcakes. GEORGETOWN CUPCAKES as they are the best in the stratosphere.
I want Dave Matthews to sit on the edge of my bed and sing me to sleep every night.
I want my student loans and credit cards to be paid off completely. I want to be debt free.
I want a Gucci bag so large you can see the Gucci logo from the moon.
I want to live in a beach cottage. Every morning I want to wake up and look at the ocean from my bedroom. Every night BEFORE Dave Matthews sings me to sleep I want to stroll along the beach with Puppykins.
I want a Mini Cooper. Not that I don't have a kick car right now, but I want a Mini Cooper. They are so cute! Plus I would reduce my carbon footprint.
I want Alcide Herveaux.. Lots. All the time. Every day..

I want pink Christian Louboutin shoes. PINK ones!

Ehh.. That is enough for now. The universe should be pretty busy fulfilling my wish list.  I won't be greedy.

FIN