Now that it has come to my attention I might just be a tad materialistic, I have been actively watching my spending habits. Basically, trying to downgrade. I went to Target yesterday because I needed to get a few new dresses for work and I didn’t want to spend a grip on them. Well. Let’s just say.. It didn’t go well. I think I might be a tad spoiled because I have been insulated in the bubble of higher end clothing for years. Working for Nordstrom ruined me. Things like double stitching and better quality fabrics are a mainstay in my closet. Although Target has “celebrity” designers they are definitely keeping the costs down by sacrificing on quality. This concept can totally be filed in the “You Can’t Get Something for Nothing” cabinet. You get what you pay for.. I would rather pay more for something that I really love than less for something that I would feel uncomfortable wearing. Nothing compares to the flattering fit and luxurious fabric of a DVF dress. NOTHING. In my estimation there is magic woven in Missoni prints and don’t even get me started on Prada and Miu Miu!

I am not knocking Target at all. The store has some great stuff, however their clothing lines are not Targeted towards me (tee hee hee I love a good pun). I also tried going to Old Navy. Same deal. Cute stuff but I just couldn’t get past the feel of the material. One sweater was so itchy I was convinced it harbored a colony of fleas in it. A skirt bunched up so oddly on me I wasn’t sure if it was the skirt or I had shape shifted into another body. My next stop was Buffalo Exchange. If you are not familiar with Buffalo Exchange, they market themselves as “upscale resale”. In laymen’s terms.. A snobby thrift store. Honestly, like all thrift stores from Purple Heart to the Goodwill to Twice as Nice the Buffalo Exchange had a pungent odor to it. I didn’t even bother looking through the racks. Basically I rolled snake eyes in this downsizing experiment.

So I started thinking. I have 3 closets full of beautiful clothes that are tailored to my shape. Well. They are tailored to the shape I was BEFORE I started working the graveyard shift. I have two options. I can either buy all new clothes which would cost a small fortune, OR I could lose weight which I have been trying and failing at on and off for the past couple of months. Then. Like a lightening bolt from Thor.. It hit me. Liposuction!  Yes! The lazy girl’s way out of a losing battle with weight loss! I ran the idea by a few friends with varying degrees of acceptance. I did get more diet and exercise advice than I felt like listening to. Those conversations were cut radically short. In the end, it is my decision so instead of driving around town looking for clothes to fit my new and unimproved figure, I decided to research smart lipo.

Well.. The verdict is in.. SMART LIPO is for ME! I am going to do it. After the holidays are over,  I am going to have smart lipo done. In the end, it is going to cost LESS than buying new clothes (especially since I adore my old clothes) which will be my version of downsizing. Perhaps my rationale makes no sense to many but it does to me and in the end that is all that matters. Thousands of dollars will be saved by not purchasing new clothes AND I will have my body back.. Win WIN WINNAH!

FIN

Not too long ago I made a public declaration that I was going to wage war against fat. Since then I have had some really crazy moments. One of which was to scrap all of my current friends, replace them with heavier ones so that I could call off this whole weight loss foolishness and hang out eating blueberry pancakes and chicken fried steak. Buttttt. I thought better of it and trudged on. SO. Let’s wrap up the last week shall we?

For some stupid ass reason decided to take a Spin class. I heard all sorts of things about it, which I sorta ignored and focused on “You can lose a lot of weight doing this class”. So. What did I do? Spin class. Let’s just say.. The class is ROUGH. At first I was thinking, “hey this is easy peasie”, but as the class progressed my eyes stayed less on the teacher and MORE on the clock conducting a countdown till the conclusion of this torture. 45 minutes of thunderous music and a man screeching to stand up sit down; crank up the resistance, yadda yadda yadda… I drank an entire liter of water BEFORE the class was over. I knew I was going to suffer immediately after I dismounted (fell off) the bike and hobbled/ drug myself to the car. Needless to say I was immediately on the phone bitching to Anne that I suffered Death by Spin Class. What’s worse.. I was hurting in places I would rather not hurt. I expected for my legs to get a good workout which they did, however my inner thighs and ass hurt so bad I slept on my stomach for 2 days. I skipped the gym the next day.

With ass and inner thighs feeling somewhat better yet not totally healed, I got the idea to try.. YOGA. In my mind I thought I would stretch a little, meditate, and have a low impact good time. Oh ho ho how wrong I was! The teacher decided to teach a more advanced class than she usually does. Which baffled me considering 5 people in the class (including me) told her this was our first class in years. We spend 45 minutes contorting our bodies into shapes it was not constructed for. Under regular circumstances, I have amazing balance and grace. In this class I was a clumsy Shrek-like oaf.  Stumbling all over the place. Trying to replicate some semblance of what the teacher was doing.  I felt like a big fat yoga failure. Strangely enough, I received the same results Spin gave me. An extremely sore body which every step was amazingly painful for 2 days after the class.  But at least this time I didn’t have to sleep on my stomach.

After a day off from the gym again, I estimated Zumba class would be fun. The yoga  (torture) teacher recommended it and once again I zeroed in on the magic phrase “you can loose a lot of weight doing this class”. So a Zumba I will go.. The class was PACKED.. Good part nobody was watching you dance too closely. Bad part, you couldn’t see the teacher who was this adorable Latina who spoke no English. The entire class people were bumping into each other trying to see the instructor and grasp the steps. The class was fast paced and fun. Luckily growing up in Latin America I am very comfortable with not only the music but the steps are second nature to me. Hell.. I shake my ass all over my house for the fun of it. One of my classmates told me this particular teacher isn’t good and to come back when the better teachers are instructing the class. Fine with me. I like this. Now I remember why I was so thin during my 20’s. I was dancing damn near every night for hours and living off of cheap vodka drinks. But hey.. I had a rockin body.

And in diet news… Nothing good to report. Exactly.. NOTHING GOOD. I have stuck to the memorandum of no fried foods and sugar. Blah blah boring . I have noticed once I cut back on the processed foods and started taking vitamins I am feeling better. Then again it could just be junk science. Correlation does not equal causation.

Annnd then my psycho moment of the week. I have started to notice my muscles are toning up and my face is looking smaller. Sadly my core Is still all.. yucky.. So yucky in fact I just KNEW I was pregnant. Rationally I know I am not. First rule of getting pregnant is you actually have to have sex. But I digress. I was so freaked out about Immaculate Conception, that I took pictures of myself and sent them to my friend who is actually a titch crazier than I am. Once she talked me off the ledge, I decided to start doing the lemon, syrup, pepper cleanse. Sooo.. I will update on that next week. So there you go. If you thought I was nutty before.. You now have no doubt now. 

FIN