Given my profession it is almost impossible to believe, but I am terrible with communication. Let me be more succinct. I rarely ever tell people what is really on my mind. I prefer to let them talk/vent and just discuss surface things because it is well.. Easier. I like to keep my thoughts private, as they are malleable and fluid. I am constaintly reconstructing my thoughts and opinions. I might be completely married to an idea one day and totally against it another. To keep confusion at a minimum.. I just keep my mouth shut.
Another facet to this is.. well.. Some things I just can’t bring myself to tell people. I just do not want to hurt their feelings, bring up anything unpleasant, start an argument… By some people’s standards, I have many inauthentic relationships with people because I am lying to them by default. Withholding information, thoughts, feelings, and ideas is being deceptive. I have mulled over this for years, yet still cannot manage to change. When people are making the mistakes of their lives I sit on the sidelines and watch rather than being the Minch friend who is nagging telling them to cut it out. However, I am the friend who helps people pick up the pieces and rebuild their shattered lives. I don’t think I will ever be able to give unsolicited or even solicited advice. Especially if it is negative. But.. If I could.. This is what I would say..
Things the Oracle Would Tell People If She Had the Guts
I am sorry I cheated on you.
The reason you don’t have any friends is because you are a terrible friend.
You need to pay me back the $1,100.00 you owe me. Bitch!
I never loved you.
I am in love with you.
I am glad you are in jail.. You are a child molester. You betrayed the trust of my parents. I am forced to carry YOUR secret because if I ever told it would destroy the family. I hate you.
You really get on my nerves.
Your friendship is very draining.
You are the reason I got into psychology.
Your mother is the reason why you have crappy relationships with men. Blame her.
The man you are in love with is an ass.. He will eventually hurt you.
Stop playing yourself for men, they are not worth it.
You are an alcoholic.. Admit it.
I know you are lying but I play along.
You are more of an adversary than a friend.
Your spending habits are the reason you are always broke.
You are living in a dream world.. Wake up.. This is getting ridiculous.
We might be related but we are not family.
I avoid you because you are living the life I expected to live.
You are a disappointment to me in every way shape and form.
I almost killed myself thanks to you.
My eating disorder stems from your comments about my weight.
Nobody liked you.. They still don’t.
You are not as clever as you think you are.
You really sucked in bed and not in a good way.
You came up on the come up.
Delusional delusional delusional!
I hate the inconsistent way you treat me but I put up with it.
You are such a bitchass..

Comments (2)

On April 13, 2010 at 7:40 PM , Anne K. in L.A. said...

Yowza! After reading all these comments, perhaps silence is golden.

HOLY SHIT! You have unleashed the floodgates. I dare not think about which one of those statements applies to me.

I do love how you saved the "bitchass" comment for last.

On April 15, 2010 at 3:34 PM , Jesi21 said...

ummmm can i steal this idea?? i will cite my sources lol...