Today it dawned on me… I really need to fully commit to my weight loss goals.. Last year I had managed to loose 30 pounds.. I looked great.. Felt great.. Things were good. Now.. A year later and saddled with all sorts of setbacks, I have managed to FIND 20 of the 30 pounds I lost. What the HELL?!?

The culprit… The diabolical combination of Frustration with it’s evil twin Depression. You Fuckers! I am so upset with myself. Seriously.. My frame was not built to support these extra stones. It just isn’t. I am not only short, but I have a small frame. I am meant to be a tiny petite pixie.. Not some Umpa Lumpa  rolly polly. When I pass the mirror I am always stunned when confronted with my reflection. I do not know this person who is looking right back at me. 

So.. Yeah.. Time to buckle down.. I can totally do it too. I’ve done it once so doing it twice isn’t hard. I just have to DO IT. And there in lies the problem. I sorta don’t feel like it right now. I also do not feel like being tired all the time. Looks like I am having a stand off at the Cupcake Corrales. What to do.. What to do… I need to psych the psych.. I’ve been using positive reinforcement and little by little I am making small changes, which will result in larger ones.

First of all. I did hire a trainer months ago.. I just didn’t honestly want to exercise. The excuses I gave this man were epic.. Like.. My uterus is falling out so I can’t work out today. OR.. My hot water heater leaked all over my house and I have to wait for a repairman.  OR.. I am having an emergency. Well that was sorta true.. I needed to go shoe shopping to cheer myself up. Either way.. I think he caught on quickly and told me to take a month to get “my life straight” and we can start over. Well my month is coming to an end. May is going to be my month to get it together again.

So here is the game plan.. No more fast food.. No more eating out of any kind.. Broiled or baked chicken. Turkey. Green vegetables.. Water water water.. Nothing white. Nothing processed. Lots of fruit.. No candy.. No.. GASP.. CUPCAKES! No soda..  Cut back on the excessive napping (on a good day I can have First Nap, Second Nap, and Third Nap. On a marathon napping day, I managed to make it to Fifth Nap) Cut the TV off. Listen to music more. Exercise exercise exercise… (Weak yaaaay) From the plan he gave me it looks like I will be doing 45 minutes of cardio switching between the Stairmaster, treadmill, and elliptical. Then 3 days a week I will be lifting weights. This part I actually like. I love lifting weights. I hate cardio.  When I take Puppykins to the dog park I will not allow myself to languish on the bench. From now on I will run around like the loon that I am. 

 More of This

 Less of Sadly.. This :(

I owe this to myself. I can’t let myself constantly be depressed about situations that I cannot control. It is not like my life is hopeless. It is just going to take time to pick the knots out of it. So. Bye Bye extra weight.. I do not need you. Plus my face isn’t cute enough for me to be a big girl so I must return to my normal size. TY.

(Drinking my last Coke as I type this)

FIN