My brother is about nine years older than I am.. Wiser? Perhaps. He is always giving me advice. No matter what level of expertise or lack there of on the subject, he has some sort of gem or sage to drop on me. Years ago, before I graduated from high school, he told me to always date people who like you more than you like them. Sound advice? Perhaps yes, perhaps no. For years I have clung to that code of being with men who have liked me more than I liked them. It may have turned me into a player, as I rarely formed lasting attachments to the people I dated. They came.. They went.. It didn't bother me much because I had little invested in them emotionally as, well, they liked me way more than I liked them. Men would get so emotional and irate when they would act out in order to get some sort of passionate response out of me. It never worked as my mind was on their replacement. After all.. I just wasn't that into them. They were ok. They would do for now. Well.. Now that I am older and hopefully wiser, I seem to to be able to shake this code of conduct. It is a great way to protect my feelings. If I am not invested, I can't get hurt. This I am learning is going to eventually work against me. When I finally meet a man whom I will be totally into, I do not know if I will be able to control my passion for them. After all, I do not have years of experience under my belt with feelings such as the ones which he will illicit from me. What am I going to do? I will actually care and give a damn what happens in the relationship. He won't be disposable. I do not have a template of what to do. I will be walking blindly into a disaster. Problem is.. I am already there. I now into someone more than they are into me. Karma is a beyouch.

Comments (3)

On December 22, 2009 at 6:43 PM , curiousillusion said...

Okay first of all, I always wanted a big brother!

I've kind of been the same way. Not because anyone told me and not because I figured I wouldn't get hurt that way, just because that's how things turned out. But I kind of realized lately that it can't always be like that. I gotta find someone that I really care about, rather than just tolerate. And he better really care about me too!

Good luck to you, btw. I hope whoever you're after realizes how great you are!

On January 2, 2010 at 12:16 PM , Jordasche Bledsoe said...

Hello, I just came over from your Twitter page. This was an interesting read. I can certainly see how what your brother said led you down this path, best of luck with this person you care about now. Even if it doesn't work out the way you might like it will definitely be a learning lesson for you and because of such the next situation can only be better if you so choose now that you've acknowledged your actions.

On January 7, 2010 at 7:37 PM , Kim said...

My brother is younger be we are very close.. He is serving a prison term but I we stay in touch. But the greatest thing he ever told me was when I complained about not being married. Our cousins, whom i babysat both of them got married before me and he so, well they settled..your'e not gonna settle. I just love him more than ever for that.