A few days ago my friend sent me this cryptic text message. And I quote:

I want a lover who can keep up with me sexually. My tastes are refined and my skills have been honed over years worth of practicing my craft. I do not want to waste my talents on someone who is not bringing to the table the same skill set I have. I'm not in my 20's anymore, no learning curves are being passed out. I believe it is true, one you reach your 30's you really start to hit your stride sexually. You have exhausted all patience with clumsy inexperienced men or women if that is your preference.

No more gropey fumbling with my clothes like some high school football player under the bleachers after a winning game. I want someone sensuous. A man who knows how to set the mood and build upon it. Knows that playing rap or rock music has its time and place. When I am in his bed, it is neither the time NOR the place to listen to anything remotely unsexy. I want him to play love songs, R&B, Maxwell, Prince.. Hell even John Mayer.. It can even be instrumentals. Just anything that is going to set the tone for the evenings festivities. Also, have good sheets. Nothing kills the mood faster than sheets so rough you feel as if you are being rubbed raw with newspapers and burlap bags. Candles. They provide just enough light to cast passionate shadows and heighten all of the senses other than sight. Also, I am not apposed to props or toys. They can be enhancers but one shouldn't rely on them solely.


Like I said.. He needs to know how to touch a woman. Know the difference of when to be rough and when to be gentle. When to be dominant and when to be submissive. So many one note lovers out there. Sex with them is like square dancing. The same thing over and over again in the same sequence. Any change throws them off and is deemed unacceptable. Touch is so important. I want him to understand that there are other parts of my body which need attention not just the obvious parts. Men tend to treat women like chicken parts. Breasts, legs, butts... What about your ears, the back of our necks, the back of our knees, inner thighs,  small of our backs? Nothing is sexier than a kiss on the back of the wrist. Nipples are not the only erogenous zone.

There is such a hurry for men to penetrate us. Slow down. Take your time. Men are always worried about lasting, well take your time to get to the main event. Sex isn't all about the phallus. It really isn't. Many women don't even experience the most intense pleasure from penetration anyway. I want a lover who understands that the world doesn't revolve around his penis. I want him to know true intimacy comes from eye contact, kissing, touching...

I want a lover who understands how to talk in bed. Pillow talk. Once again diversity is the key. Sometimes porn talk is amazing and other times sweet romantic well placed phrases are needed. Men underestimate how they can turn a woman on through words alone. Sex for us in in our minds. Reach our mind and the body automatically reacts. Hence why the romance novel business is a raging success. I want a lover to appreciate my body, all of it.. Every inch. He shouldn't be so reluctant to let me know what he is thinking or what is on his mind. Tell me what he wants as I will freely give it to him as he should for me. Sexual connections are strong but many times no matter how clairvoyant we are, I still need feedback.

As for oral sex. My lover needs to rival lesbians.  Literally. When they see him approaching they would give him the secret nod showing him respect for his skills. To me nothing is worse and more disappointing than bad or mediocre oral sex. I just hate it. I've been known to stop people in the middle of the act. I don't have any patience for bad oral. I know mine is.. otherworldly. I am always looking to pick up new tricks as should he.

My lover needs to know how to kiss and not just one method of kissing. He needs to know many different styles of kissing. Once again, I don't want an electric slide type of lover. Change things up. Keep me guessing as I will you. Breathe magic into my soul through the meeting of our lips. Know when to kiss with more intensity and when to leave gossamer kisses on my lips. Don't have limp hands while we kiss. Let them roam. NOT GROPE but roam. Caress. Stroke.

As for the act itself. My standards are pretty high. I am not in the mood anymore for a guy to climb on top and just jack hammer me into boredom.  Nor a man who only knows two positions. Men that only know one speed or stroke are also not welcomed. There needs to be a signature style and once again.. Hands need to be in play. You don't get a penalty for using hands. Innovation is a must. Porn sex is a fallacy. A man can't get a woman off just through mindless penetration. It just isn't possible. You can always tell when a guy watches too much porn because that is his method and he won't deviate from it.

After we are done my lover should NOT roll over and go to sleep. I truly hate that. Nothing is sexier than to shower together or being washed with warm towels. Listening to someone snore is just not a turn on. Spooning up to a woman should be the reward all men seek. Bodies which now have mingled scents is like the height of pheromonic ecstasy.  To run your hands over the vessel which brought you so much pleasure.. Nothing like it. I want my lover to kiss me all over. Place his thigh over mine. Twirl my hair on his fingers. I want him to take lecherous satisfaction in what he just did.

Yeah.. My expectations for a lover are very high but in return he is getting a very salacious lover in return. I am at the top of my game now. It is not like Martha Stewart sells pies at the local fair on the weekends for fun, or President Obama gives fee legal advice for kicks.  I want the best of the best. My tastes in lovers is specific. I can't be with someone who is childish or shy about sex. I need him to bring the pain literally and I will be his rainmaker.

FIN