1. When someone pees in the refrigerator, no matter how many times it has been "cleaned" never put a single thing in it. It will always be the pee pee fridge to you.

2. People who are always sharing their religious views with you are really not interested in yours unless your views match theirs identically.

3. After age 16 your birthday is only a big deal to you, till you become 21, then it is back to obscurity.

4. Never ever ever ever suggest a woman is pregnant UNLESS you personally have been told by HER that she is pregnant. Otherwise your coffee might get spit in when they offer to bring you coffee. (I may or may not be guilty of this)

5. Working graveyard shifts makes you gain weight hence the sensitivity of the pregnant comments.

6. When nobody is laughing, the joke was not only NOT funny but people are silently judging you.

7. When in an argument the moment you realize you are actually wrong is the worst part of the day. But keep arguing. You may wear the person down. Hopefully they don't fact check.

8. Time really doesn't fly. I feel every single minute of my shift whether I am clowning around or actually working.

9. Naps are important. They are especially delicious when you are taking them on the clock. Being paid to sleep is perfect.

10.Under all conditions hearing "I need to talk to you in my office" makes your stomach hurt immediately.

11. High school kids get dumber and dumber and skinnier and skinner each year. My generation was the last batch of people with any common sense and respect for authority.

12. Sometimes pretending you heard what someone said then replying "yes" will get your ass in a crack.

13. Boredom and hunger are the same thing in the middle of the night.

14. It is ok to steal snacks from kids. My tax dollars are paying for it anyway.

15. Keeping people's phone numbers in your cell phone to avoid calls and texts from them is perfectly ok. Information is power.

16. When I bother to do my hair and make up then don't see a single person of significance I feel cheated. Like I need to have a cute day redo.

17. When being snarky and clowning grammatically incorrect emails sent by upper management, it is BEST to do this when the office snitch isn't around. However, if it does happen for a short time the emails clean up dramatically.

18. Gossip.. Everyone does it.. Even those who say they don't are always ear hustling.

19. There is always that time during the shift when it is evident you will not do anything productive for the rest of the time you are at work.

20. Good stories are born out of bad decisions and the BEST stories always start off with "I don't know what I was thinking but" or "What had happened was".

21. Most people do not hand write anything these days, so when they do, their handwriting is an atrocious mix of cursive and print with all sorts of spelling errors.

22. Sarcasm is totally lost on most people, especially ones who have the know it all attitude.

23. The best part of going to work, is the moment you are in the parking lot leaving for home. This can dampen when your relief is late then comes strolling in with a fast food bag in their hand.

24. Whomever invented text messaging deserves oral pleasure for the duration of their life. 

25. Work hookups gone array are the best motivator to find another job.


FIN