My job sucks. I work in ThisPlaceSucks, which is located in the country of Suckataria. It never ceases to amaze me how just when I think I have reached the bottom of the sucky barrel, they manage to suck just a littttttle bit more. It takes talent to be so sucky let me tell you. Yet, last night, they topped themselves off big time. 

There has been a lot of chatter about people on the night shift taking "naps". If you have ever worked the graveyard shift you know it is a challenge to stay awake during the night considering the body's natural stasis is to go into sleep mode when it is dark. No matter how much sleep you get during the daytime, and believe me it isn't quality sleep as the world is LOUD during waking hours, there are times during the night where you might nod off for a minute or two.. Or.. A hour or so.. It just happens. The night shift relies on each other as a team to keep us awake and alert. Or. At least we SHOULD work as a team. Sadly, there are some people who want to shine and tend to work against the collective. Unfortunately, not everyone has Borg mentality. They do not work towards the benefit of the collective. These traitors have been running to middle and upper management telling on staff members. Sort of like little kids tattling on siblings. How bitchassy is that? Very bitchassy I say. 

We are all in the same boat, yet these dumbasses are poking holes in the bottom of our mode of transportation. So now.. There is a giant spotlight on the night shift. Yay us! Not that we don't have enough problems with the kids, now we have to worry about double agent coworkers and management skulking around trying to catch us. Wonderful. 

Last night I caught a double agent bootlicker red handed. It was.. Hilarious to say the least. The extent she went through to catch someone with his or her pants down is.. Diabolically pathetic. The supervisors ride around campus on golf carts. Rain, shine, good weather, or bad weather they are always in golf carts. These people are so lazy they will roll from one unit to the next in a golf cart. It could be 15 steps or across campus. They golf cart it. About 4AM I WALKED (actually I drove) to the main building because I needed some important paperwork signed. Outside of the main building I saw the night supervisor's golf cart, which would lead me to believe the supervisor is in the building. Right? Right. I searched the building for 15 minutes looking for the supervisor looking in locked rooms, unlocked rooms, under couches, in broom closets... basically everywhere. This supervisor is such a tight ass it would have been a bonus to catch her doing something against company policy. I didn't bring a radio with me because I assumed she would be where she belonged at 4AM otherwise I would have used the walkie talkie to locate her more efficiently.  Finally I gave up. I drove back to the unit and as I was crossing the field from the parking lot whom do I see lurking in the bushes peeking in the windows???? THE NIGHT SUPERVISOR! Holy I have too much free time on my hands Moley! 

Honestly, I have never ever claimed to be nice.. In fact when naughty and devilish qualities were passed out, I obtained extra helpings. I crept up on her as silently as I could... picked up a stick.. and whacked her on the back! She turned screaming. It was all I could take to bite back my laughter. I informed her I thought she was an intruder, as people shouldn't be lurking outside a mental health facility at 4AM peeking in windows. She was so shaken, her lies about her actions made NO SENSE. I knew she was trying to catch someone sleeping. She knew I KNEW what she was doing in the bushes, yet she kept concocting ridiculous excuses for her whereabouts. I reminded her the golf cart was outside the main building and it seems odd she was on foot at 4AM. She could get hurt out here. Which in all honesty, I did whack her pretty hard. But come on.. If you were me.. And you were handed the chance I was divinely given.. YOU WOULD DO THE SAME DAMN THING! I totally got away with beating my supervisor like a piƱata and now I am the hero of the night shift! 

I am not sure what tactics the supervisors will enact in the future. I am on guard. The rest of the night shift is on guard. One double agent has been exposed it is only a matter of time when the others are exposed for the rats they are. I doubt that particular supervisor will be skulking around in the bushes tonight however, if she is, we will be ready for her. I kept the stick too.


Comments (1)

On October 28, 2010 at 1:35 PM , KP said...


*humming "They Had It Coming" of Chicago fame