It is rather hilarious to me that I encourage my clients to be authentic about their feelings. To tell people how they truly feel rather than conceal their feelings. Not to bottle them up, press them down, ignore them, or  talk them out of existence. Great advice right? Well.. I don’t ever take it.

I am such a control freak that I believe my feelings and emotions are my own. Therefore they are to be controlled by me. With that said, if someone upsets me, it is my duty (read burden) to deal with it silently as my feelings are my own. So when I am having an issue with someone, they will never ever know. I always handle it privately, within myself, and alone. This makes NO SENSE. Believe me I know it doesn’t.  Unfortunately, that is just how I am.

Right now, I have anger building towards one of my closest friends. A lot of it has to do with this person knows me very well and should know what pisses me off and just NOT DO IT.  Unfortunately, not the case. I have endured a year of slights and feeling inconsequential, disposable, and unimportant at this person’s hands, suffering silently rather than putting a stop to it. I can only blame myself. The problem is, now I am so angry, I am ready to end the friendship. My anger and hostility has become toxic to me. Just the mention of their name makes me upset. I just can’t deal anymore. This is classic throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Putting a relationship that has lasted many many years on the back burner without having a single conversation about the issues I have or my feelings. 

 Seriously. I have a lot in common with the Mad Hatter we are both crazy as hell.

 I am so flawed, but at least I know where my flaws are. Perhaps one day I will work on this particular issue, but that would entail talking about my feelings. Talking about my feelings is just something I just cannot do.

FIN