Disillusion

This may be the most cryptic post I have ever written. Usually I spread myself bare and say whatever is on my mind no matter how ugly but I just can't do it this time. It would make this too real. I am not ready for it to be real. I don't think I know how to handle my real feelings yet.

The worst feeling ever is finding out something isn't what you thought it was. The disappointment and let down is crushing as if a 1000 pounds of diamonds suddenly landed on your head. I spend a lot of time counseling people oh how to deal with disappointment. I KNOW the tools and methods on how to refocus and move on... BUT.. Right now.. It seems like I want to wallow in my disappointment. I want to wear it like a Diane Von Furstenberg dress. Let it fit my figure perfectly. I want to feel sorry for myself. Throw a pity party. I just want to FEEL the misery which oddly enough I worked so hard toward. Empty. Lost. Disappointed.

I am always telling people things happen for a reason. So. Perhaps I will look for the lesson in this. One day. But right now.. I just want to strut around in my garment to disillusion and disappointment. After all.. Right now I am wearing it well.

My Wallowing Outfit for my Pity Party

FIN